Heroes

Most of us who have been blessed with a good childhood - nourishing, playful, innocent - have grown up with dozens of favourite stories/ legends/ myths, narrated to us by loving caregivers...shaped by our imaginations and fantasies. Many of these stories will have had a "hero". The hero has many forms, ranging from the invulnerable deity or demigod who conquers all foes, to the tragic protagonist who faces severe adversities before reaching a happy ending...and sometimes not even that.

We all grow up with our heroes. In the recesses of our mind we cling to their images and draw on them whenever we can to make comparisons between their tales and the circumstances of our own lives. Often, we try their approaches to solving problems in our lives. It's almost like we ask ourselves, "What would Superman have done?" and try to follow suit. I'm sure there are people for whom this works well and others who have yet to find the balance between myth and 'reality'.

The heroes of legend, exist largely in works of literature or in hand-me-down stories, passed along the generations by word of mouth. They exist in paintings, carvings, tapestries, sculptures etc. that people look upon with awe, as representations of the stories they play and replay in their minds. They become symbols of power, effort, and hope that people look up to, scarcely realising where the real power comes from...their own minds!

Regardless of whether or not these heroes ever walked the earth, they exist because human minds wills them into existence. Their lives persist because the human race honours them with its memory of their efforts and exploits. The human imagination gives them colour, detail, sound, meaning and much more...it is where the true power of the hero lies. Giving birth to both the demon that was slain and to the hero that destroyed it, the mind is by far more powerful that the hero it shapes. People look up to the hero and pour their faith into its symbolism. They have only to realise that they don't really depend on heroes...heroes depend on them. From Hercules to Superman, every hero that exists, exists only because there are people to validate his heroism.

There is no quality in heroes that cannot be manifested in ourselves. Heroes are but waves on the limitless ocean of human potential. Think about it...

Shrugging Off the Shackles

For some time now I've been trying, rather unsuccessfully to get a post up on this blog. I gave myself several reasons for it... no time, stifled creativity, fatigue etc. But it was only a few minutes ago that the real reason struck me, and to be honest, it quite embarrassed me, in my own eyes!

Ever since the idea grew on me, I've always maintained that it's important never to let any ideals remained unquestioned in your mind. The ones that are worth adhering to are the ones that pass the tests of your own reasoning and inspection. They are the thoughts that last you for lifetimes and mark you with a distinct individuality...

One of my ideals is to resist any sort of ideas that limit free-thinking on my part, or that stop me from progressing...and recently I allowed myself to fall unwittingly into just one such trap, which is what prevented me from posting anything on LifeStrings for such a long time!

For some reason, I convinced myself that there was a particular post that I just HAD to put up before I got down to writing anything else. I tried for weeks on end to write it, but while this post is literally spurting from my fingertips, I could not get past two paragraphs on that one... I kept telling myself that I'd get back to it sometime, that it was probably just the workload in the office or a small writer's block that was coming in my way. It was neither of the two... it was just my subconscious bonding to an idea that I never really liked in the first place! Now that I look at it, the topic that I chose for that post, was likely to merit nothing more than a mundane narrative of reality. A movement from 'then I did this', to 'then I did that'...which is so powerfully opposed to everything that LifeStrings stands for. This is a space in which I share my feelings with you...deeper thoughts, insights expressed spontaneously and almost all completed and published in the same day that I thought of them. The mundane has little scope for expression here! This is a place where I let go of all the "shoulds" that don't make me feel good about adhering to them...how ironic therefore, that a little "should" was the cause of my long hiatus from the blogosphere! lol!

I never HAD to marry myself to that regressive idea, but I did so sub-consciously, probably because I thought that I could make it fit the theme of this blog, somehow. But that's exactly where I went wrong! You see, I have never before had to "make" something fit LifeStrings...it always came naturally, quickly. It either fit or it didn't...and if it didn't, that was OK. This time, I was trying to force something to fit this blog, which is precisely what made my mind falter.

Let me take this opportunity therefore, to affirm that I never want to be in such a state again...where the movement of my mind is restricted by any kind of influence, from within or without. I never want my inner ear to be unable to hear the notes and chords in Life's music. And I want to be ever-attuned to the little things that make big differences.

I'm back and LifeStrings will soon have more on it pages! :)

God Bless!

Lunch-time!

In a white-washed room, the air is thick with the smell of food. A loud, ceaseless murmur thrums as groups of people huddle around wooden or plastic tables. The murmur is punctuated with metallic clinks as steel spoons and forks meet steel plates and bowls. An occasional burst of laughter, the sound of chairs scraping the ground as people push away from their tables...it's your typical lunch-room scene...

On one table an interesting bunch of people share their lunch-hour (sometimes it's more like 'lunch-hour-and-a-half'). The well-informed observer would spot the following individuals in that group: an interaction designer who 'moonlights' as a classic rock musician, a Dutch-woman who apart from being a competent Industrial designer is also besotted with Indian daal preparations, a quiet, mysterious multimedia specialist who is clearly unhappy with the food and a psychologist who has found his way into the software industry (yes, you read that correctly) and is enjoying his first job very much (not so much the lunch menu, though)...

Welcome to my favourite lunch table! You've just read a description of a group (myself included), that regularly shares meals during lunch-time in the office. Let me introduce you to each person in turn...


S

S is the kind of person it is difficult not to notice even though he doesn't really do anything deliberate to attract attention. Tall (make that very tall), lean (make that very lean!), pleasant faced and with a perpetually relaxed disposition, he's the quintessential nice guy. Not many people in the office would have had long conversations with him because he mostly keeps to himself. I noticed him for the first time when he played some smashing guitar pieces in an office party. Good music and a good musicians draw me like a magnet, so I had no choice, but to keep pestering him, until I started getting responses that were way beyond laconic! :)

When you're talking to S you have to be ready for anything from pointed euphemisms to blatantly frank remarks to mild facial expressions that speak volumes just because of their timing. A Wodehouse fan (like myself) cannot but appreciate these nuances, especially when delivered in S's trademark style - an unmistakable directness in even the most indirect remarks. Thanks to his detailed anecdotes, I am now magnificently educated on a variety of topics, ranging from the terminology of music bands to the bathing habits of hostelites in some premier technical institutes!


C

When I saw her for the first time, I thought C would have inspired Tolkien's image of the Elves, had they been contemporaries. Tall, calm and dignified, C has a gentle smile matched by an equally gentle nature. It couldn't have been easy for someone from the Netherlands to adapt to Mumbai's ways and conditions, but I always appreciate the way in which she conducts herself and remains composed in the face of situations that would have other expats doing a double-take! :) She apparently has a great interest in knowing about other cultures, but she obviously has an unlimited supply of patience too! There have been times when C has left me deeply impressed with her insights on life, people, religion and a host of other topics...her remarks are always laden with an intelligence that suggests that she observes a lot more than she lets on...

If you meet her at lunch-time you will be able to identify her quite easily by means of the large plastic four-lock air-tight container filled with daal that sits in front of her at the table. Somehow, the Indian pulses have captured her interest and she has probably prepared every kind of Indian lentil available. Well...the results have not always been as expected, but one must certainly appreciate the effort...or the imagination required to mix rosemary, celery or olive oil in moong daal! :) We tease her endlessly about the Netherlands, but she always takes everything good-naturedly with a characteristic smile and laugh.

A

You know, I've often noticed that someone is called a 'man-of-few-words' to cover up for the fact that in truth, he doesn't know very many words! My friend, A, is an outstanding exception to that rule. You would have read about him in the previous post, 'Vroom!'...he is the same person who gave me the bike ride that I was so delighted with. :)

I think the first time I spoke to him was when he came across to my cubicle to enquire about some work related thing. That conversation lasted for all of 90 seconds because I didn't have a clue about what he wanted! The next time I noticed him was in an office party where he burst into a spontaneous imitation of radio advertisements, between two musical performances. I was simply amazed, not only by his utterly professional performance, but also because I'd never once heard him speak so much!

A striking no-nonsense attitude, an endless supply of witticisms and a signature chuckle which is somehow both knowing and innocent are some of the facets of this character, whom most observers would probably find rather inscrutable. He recently introduced me to the joys of ordering food from a local restaurant, in order to recuperate from any lunches that wreak havoc on the palate. The result of this charming practice is that apart from meeting at lunch-time, we now regularly share an early evening snack. Some time in the future, when the little restaurant is a three-star hotel, it's owners will grow misty-eyed as they remember how our continued patronage led them to their elevated status.

Me

Well, I'm hardly about to write a detailed description of myself! If you read this blog once in a while, you will get a fair idea about it's author. I'll tell you what...if someone ever writes a third-person account of me (that I like), I will put it up in this section, with due references!Until then...Bon Appetit!

:)

Vroom!

The Universe has a tendency to send people into your life in rather uncanny ways. Usually these occasions take the form of pleasant surprises that you only become aware of when you're already accustomed to the welcome presence of the 'other'. Of course there are some instances when this is not the case...you would much rather have spent the rest of your life in blissful ignorance of the other's existence! I, however, am interested in narrating an instance of the former case.

Motorbikes are probably the last things that you would associate with me, if you had even a passing knowledge of my views and interests. I would be aghast if my close friends could so much as picture me sitting on the pillion seat, leave alone steering the bike. It's true..I haven't got a clue about the workings of those two-wheelers, I've never shared anyone's fascination for them and I've never so much as gripped the handles of anything apart from a bicycle!

So the interesting thing here, is that a few nights ago, I narrowed my eyes and prayed that my hair would not fly off my scalp, as I sped delightedly down some roads in my hometown, Mumbai. I passed through the narrow spaces between monstrous trucks and street dividers and effortlessly overtook large cars, even as the world sped past me, as swift as the wind in my face...I was on a motorbike, loving every second of it! :)

Don't get me wrong...I was not steering the bike and I probably am never going to! I was seated on the pillion seat holding on to the owner of the bike and wondering what it might feel like to actually be in control of something capable of so much speed! I've often seen the exhilarated faces of children when someone gives them even a short ride on a motor-bike. That day, I finally got to understand what puts the smile on their faces! :)

So, how did this anomaly come to pass? That's where all this banter about the Universe comes in! :)

I have a tendency to give people 'tags' when I don't know their names. Nobody every hears me refer to those people by the tags...they are strictly for personal reference and maintaining context, until I get introduced to them or remember their names. And I only do this for people I see regularly...say in a class that I attend, or in my workplace. To illustrate, some of the current tags I have for people I see in my kickboxing class, are "The-girl-who-is-NEVER-on-time", "He's-going-to-put-his-fist-through-the-punching-bag-soon!" and "Pretty-face-but-looks-so-glum-all-the-time". Not exactly the most elegant thing to do, I agree, but it happens spontaneously! I suspect we all do something like this, in our own ways an in our own contexts (I'd love to know what you do, if you'd like to tell me!).

When I started working, I found myself in a huge office filled with people I did not know...so it was but natural for me to be tagging furiously! One of the first people I tagged was a man I called "Street Hawk-meets-Lone Ranger". I would see him walk into the office with his windcheater on and helmet in his hand. I didn't often see him talking to many people...seemed the quiet type. He always exuded the self-assured air of someone who is obviously confident of himself and is good at what he does. All this, in addition to an enigmatic aura, accentuated by a very sharp and attentive gaze - the kind that takes in everything in just a sweep. Quite an interesting character overall! :) I discovered his name a few months later and discarded the tag accordingly...

Over the last couple of weeks, I've had the occasion to share my lunch-table with him pretty often and discovered that he is a delightful conversationalist with a remarkably wry sense of humour...oddly British and still somehow very Indian. Lunch time is usually punctuated with some excellent, dry remarks on whatever the subject of the conversation is, be it politics, information technology, alternative healing or what you will...and those of you who know me well, will know how much I appreciate dry wit and clever quips! :)

Apart from adding the flavour of good conversation to a meal that is otherwise lacking in flavours that appeal to one's gustation, I must also thank him for providing me with the motorbike experience mentioned above.

He found me leaving the office building one evening and offered me a ride back home...and something in me (I'm guessing the "curious-child-complex") just me just said "Yes!". More than once I pictured the disapproving face of an elder relative, who is particularly in disfavour of two-wheelers, but somehow I just could not turn down the offer...and a few minutes later, I was on a motorbike, after goodness knows how many years!

So, you see, you never know when the Universe sends you a very pleasant surprise in the most unexpected and exceedingly coincidental way...but it's always nice to pay attention to it's little ways. :)

Till my next post!

Vrooom!

The Facets of Change

There are times in life, when we want to take a decisive step, that means letting go of something or someone we are are very used to. At such times we struggle very much to achieve this transformation. In short, there is something in us that resists "change", which is what I want to write about today.

I cannot count the number of times I've heard something like "Change is the only constant", "Only change is permanent" etc. Yes, yes, I agree, but I think the reason behind the existence of these very highly redundant phrases should be discussed a little more!

Change is not always easy...it implies alteration, creation, destruction, adjustment...effort. Change is not always positive, change is not always painless. But it happens all the time, at micro and macro levels. There are microorganisms who are born, exist reproduce and die before we so much as finish drawing a deep breath. There are philosophers who believe that the very Universe is created, destroyed and recreated second upon second.

Yes, change is a constant, inalienable and in fact necessary for survival. Yet, it is not always easy to deal with change, especially when it means the alteration of well established thoughts, behaviours or relationships. Change of this kind is an emotional event that the individual has to process and work through, sometimes incurring considerable pain in the process. The difficulties are especially acute if one did not want the change in the first place and was forced to face it because of relatively external circumstances.

Today, I want to talk about possible ways in which we can look at the phenomenon on change in our lives and maybe leave this post with some thoughts on how we can facilitate positive change in our lives. An interesting, though cliched way of doing this, might be considering each letter in the word "Change" as representing of a facet of the whole process. Oh well...I think I'll just risk it...here goes!

C = Conviction (and Commitment)
Successful change requires conviction...the belief that we have taken the right step and that that we are going to achieve something fruitful by taking this step. It also implies the courage to stand by our decision and take responsibility for our actions. Our minds may falter several times even as we tread the path of change, but it is our conviction that keeps us steady and takes us closer to our goal.

When I write about conviction, I do not mean blind belief...I mean faith born out of experience, and thought that is both rational and intuitive. True conviction is born of mature thought, instinct and considerable exploration of one's emotions. I think emotions are by far the most important aspect of this situation...going through our emotions, letting them swirl within us, observing their movements, their causes and the thoughts that they lead to give us control over them and we are better able to make an informed choice.

Conviction is not enough unless we have commitment to support it. Belief is one thing...acting on it is another. Both must go hand in hand. We also have to prepare ourselves to be tested for both our conviction as well as commitment several times along the path to positive change.

H = Honesty
I don't think we can ever achieve successful change unless we are truly honest with ourselves and with others around us. What we will change, what the change will do for us and what we are prepared to accomplish or give up in the process are questions that we must answer for ourselves as well as for any others to whom we feel answerable...and these answers must be entirely truthful. Honesty gives us clarity...sometimes the clarity comes with painful revelations, but it is better to ride that pain and get it over with, rather than live with the dull ache of suppositions for the rest of one's life.

A = Acceptance
Change may sometimes lead to the loss of things that existed in our lives for a very long time. It may mean letting go of very old beliefs, ideas, habits...even people etc. We have to accept these conditions and consequences, if no other alternative presents itself. Acceptance is probably the most difficult facet of change because it is an internal phenomenon tested constantly by self-doubt and memories of what we gave up. Often it requires facing oneself very pointedly and noting some regrettable aspects of the past...it is quite difficult to acknowledge some of the things that happened to us, or some of the things that we did. Yet, acceptance is liberating and makes change more meaningful...it provides an unshakable platform on which we face the past, the present and the future and consolidate all three.

N = Norms
It is very important to define the 'limits' of change...while changes may be essential for some aspects of our lives, they might not be healthy if introduced in other areas. We have to be careful not to generalize change without deliberation. For instance, developing assertiveness skills might be a great idea for dealing with bullies in the workplace, but one must be careful not to let assertiveness creep into interactions with even relatively benign people. It is simply not required in some situations and using it inappropriately can ruin interpersonal relationships. Change can sometimes be a very heady feeling...so much so, that it's difficult to stop trying to implement it everywhere.

G = Gravity
We have to take change seriously, especially when it's impact is likely to be wide-ranging. It might be alright to make light of it once in a while, just to ease the mental burden of implementing it. However, in the long run, we have to respect ourselves for shouldering the responsibility of transforming our lives and we have to ensure that our conduct reflects the same. There may be others who fail to understand the courage required to alter one's life, no matter how small the alteration. To such people, our efforts lack meaning and it is difficult to persuade them otherwise. It is also difficult not to question one's actions when such people fail to appreciate one's efforts. The strength to counter the questions and flippant remarks of external entities, comes from regarding change as a powerful event in our lives and giving ourselves due respect for conducting it.

E = Enthusiasm
Zest is a crucial ingredient in facilitating positive change. Transformation requires great energy and and willingness. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual resources are all required for it. The willingness to utilize these resources comes from being aware of how we are going to benefit from the change. Looking forward to the results with positive expectations and having the confidence to realise those expectations leads to enthusiasm.

************************

So those were my humble thoughts on what it takes to truly affect change in our lives...do let me know if ever they remind you of something you changed, or help you step a little closer to transforming something in your life.

God Bless! :)

The Mighty Snail

Jogging is one of my ways of unwinding these days...quite surprising for people who are aware of the particular revulsion I have for perspiration (I seem to be blessed with an amazing tendency to perspire with the most minuscule effort you can imagine...(sigh)). A dear friend is responsible for this near miraculous phenomenon which find me thudding around a nice park adjacent to my apartment block. Somehow, he managed to convince me that it's fun and that the copious sweating isn't as distressing as I imagine! :D

This evening, as the ground beneath my feet felt the repeated pounding of my new running shoes, I saw something that made me think even as I huffed along. I was a large garden snail that was inching its way across the narrow path on which people walk/jog. I marked its progress each time I came near that particular spot on the track. At the end of 25 minutes, it was not even half-way across the (approximately) 3-feet wide path.

More than once I was tempted to just pick it off the ground and deposit it in the safety of the bushes for which it was headed. Towards the end of my jogging I nearly did so...but a thought made me hold back...

I thought to myself, that no matter how small this creature's consciousness is in our estimation, it still has enough intelligence to recognise danger and possesses the instinct for self-preservation. It is in constant danger of being crushed by the next careless oaf who comes lumbering along and somewhere in its tiny snail-mind it must be aware of this; but it still moves ahead, unshakable even in its acute vulnerability.

I think we have a lot to learn from the snail...do you?

Kite-string

As I type these words, I look from time to time at the fine scar that marks one of the joints on my left index finger... an odd reminder of a very interesting afternoon that I experienced not too long ago.

Strange as it may seem, until the above mentioned afternoon, I had never experienced kite-flying (to be fair, that is technically still true...but let me come to that in a bit!). Somehow, my childhood never included the endless hours of fascination with a brightly coloured kite, that form an integral part of my father's memory of his youth. I had never regretted this absence...there were always a dozen other things to keep me occupied at any given moment.

However, I must admit, that when a good friend suggested that I try it, I welcomed the opportunity with no small measure of eagerness! There is something fascinating about flying a kite...watching it soar into the skies and guiding it's direction. I'd often watched children spend hour upon hour just running against the breeze in order to send a kite into the sky...and I'd wondered what it was like to feel the wind tug at one's kite and take it higher and higher in the direction of the heavens.

So, on the afternoon in question, I found myself on the roof of an apartment block, squinting on account of a fiercely burning sun and enjoying the droughts of wind that wafted over from the nearby lake. Two friend, both experienced kite-fliers, were there with me, busying themselves with the technicalities of whatever it is that goes into launching a kite. They discussed the various positions from which the kite would be best launched, the changing direction of the wind, the composition of the kite and even the way the string should be wound... a fascinating study for someone as inexperienced as myself.

Imagine my consternation, however, when not even one of us managed to get that kite airborne for even a minute! I realised that kite-flying might not be so easy after all, when I noticed that almost an hour had been spent in watching the poor kite crash repeatedly into just about everything on that roof (including us!). The incessant succession of failed attempts came to an end when an over zealous tug at the kite-string left me with a cut on my left forefinger.

Not the most productive afternoon, if you measure productivity by number of successes. But it was certainly one of the most enjoyable afternoons I'd spent in a while. You see, it didn't matter that I did not manage to get that kite into the sky or watch it go further and further in the direction of the clouds. What I relished each moment was the fact that I was experiencing something that I had missed for over two decades of my life. In a strange way, I felt a sense of completeness that had nothing to do with that kite...it was more about giving a treat to the child in me. I laughed at the kite as it came down again and again...and I shared the mirth of my veteran companions, who had no dearth of quips and jibes to make each time the poor kite plummeted earthward! It wasn't about achieving anything...it was about being in the moment, enjoying the time that we had together...which is something that adults lose so easily, even though it is something that comes naturally to their children. I felt my inner child laugh that afternoon. The kite may never have experienced the delight of being airborne, but my spirit flew high amongst the clouds, happier than the brightest kite you could imagine!

:)

A Fork in the Road

Sometimes, no matter how much we would wish it to be otherwise, we find ourselves moving along paths that are different from those of the ones we love. The divergence could take any form; physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual even geographical. There are moments when we strain against ourselves and everything else we blame for this change, just so that we remain attached to our loved ones. Conflict occurs, pain well up from deep within...anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, despair, desperation...

Over the several years that I've spent in this life, I've experienced a few situations of this kind. Some of my dearest friends and relatives grew apart from me, our values and expectations becoming dramatically different. We made attempts to change this, trying to restore things to the way they used to be, but throughout those attempts we felt a curious sense of hollowness and self-deception. Sooner or later, we had to accept that things were different and we had no choice but to move on with our lives and on our different paths.

Today, I've come to realise that this was not a bad thing...I still care very much even for the ones that I moved away from and I'm quite certain that they requite my feelings as well. However, we are no longer "attached" to one another. The attachment was the cause of the pain we experienced when we found ourselves changing, because we had grown used to the energy of our interactions. We drew on each other for strength and positive feelings and when the time came to part ways, we felt afraid about whether we were anything substantial without one-another. Well, yes, we most certainly ARE beings of substance, worth and value, even by ourselves and even if there is not a soul in the world that would endorse this opinion!

The tricky thing about relationships is that we don't know when we get lost in them. It becomes increasingly difficult to tell where the individual is separate from the collective entity of the relationship...and that is where the trouble starts! You see, we change, evolve, transform, constantly over the span of our lives and so do the people we love. Experiences, insights, memories, come together to effect alterations in our perspectives...we just forget to consider that the way our perspectives change may not match the changes in our loved ones.

So, there came a time when I found myself brooding about the people that I had grown away from, feeling a little sorry for myself etc. when suddenly it struck me that I had NOTHING to really brood about! I saw life in a new light...one in which the confluence and divergence of paths is not an unfortunate but a marvellous phenomenon. I cherished each and every moment I had spent with the people who were now far from me and I appreciated the time I was spending (and continue to spend) with people who had come into my life, however recently...and it felt wonderful!

Each person who touches your life, gives you something...a part of himself or herself that you take and add to the fabric of your being. Even when they are no longer there with you, that part of them remains, and you remain a more wholesome person as a result. When one person moves away from you, it is certain that another person comes closer...it's just that you tend to be so caught up in clinging to the former that you take much longer to receive the latter. When you do open your mind and life to other people, however, the amount of love and positivity you receive is just overwhelming. You keep the happiness given to you by those who moved away and to it you add the happiness that you get from the scores of people to whom you open your heart. It's a win-win situation really! (Just for the record, I'd like to make it clear that I'm not suggesting a chain of emotionally dependent relationships here! What I'm saying is that even as we allow the flow of people in and out of our lives, we are the ones responsible for moderating the happiness we derive from them...and the best moderators are those who are happy in themselves. We are more than a fraction of our relationships...we are whole and we are full of potential. We have lived, loved and learnt from life and that in itself is something to be happy about. It is this core happiness that allows us to remain stable while we experience the ebb and flow of interpersonal relationships).

Letting go of someone you care about is easier said than done. It requires courage and the ability to care for that person unconditionally. More than anything, it requires the willingness to let go of one's resentment and other ill-feelings about the separation. But it CAN be done and above, I've outlined the way it works best for me. Maybe it'll work for you too!

God bless!

Homage to the Hand that Rocks the Cradle

A few days ago, I saw one of the simplest, yet most charming sights that I have ever seen till date. I was enjoying a brisk evening walk, in the beautiful garden that adjoins my apartment block, breathing in a delightful breeze that had the barest hint of a nip in it (just the way I like it!). I'd taken several rounds, quite oblivious of my surroundings on account of some particularly good music that I was listening to, when I saw this spectacle that just stayed with me.

Seated on one of the park's wooden benches was a lady, holding a cherubic baby girl on her lap. She was probably in her thirties and wore a loose-fitting outfit. A simple hairband kept her glossy hair from falling on her face. It was the face that caught my attention...a face that wore an expression of the most perfect contentment and happiness. More than her fair skin and radiant complexion, it was her smile that made my slow my pace, just so I could observe her and her infant for a while longer.

Her smile was the kind that lights up your soul, regardless of whether or not it is meant for you. A pure, unaffected expression that shone through her entire face, beaming down at the baby who reciprocated in kind. She was singing a little song that would sound perfectly nonsensical to "mature" ears, but in that moment, there was nothing that made more sense. Gently, she bounced her daughter on her knee, singing her funny little song, the two of them completely lost to the world. In perfect tandem, the baby's delighted gurgles rippled between the lyrics, especially when her mother gave her the gentlest of tickles.

In those few moments, there was nothing that had more meaning for me, than the sight of this little interaction that I witnessed. It sent my mind racing into the past, awakening some of my oldest memories, in which I shared similar moments with my mother. I saw myself in a bright room (in my old home in Calcutta), making my first attempts at writing. My mother stood behind me, leaning over my chair, her gentle fingers closing over my hand, showing my how to hold the pencil steady. I remember the sweet smell of her perfume and the feel of her soft curly hair against my cheek. Together, we wrote my first letters as she sang a little song that she made up to guide my learning: "Up above the red line, down to the blue line..." In this way we formed each and every member of the alphabet on those old four-lined exercise books in which children learn to write.

Today, I type more than I write, but had it not been for those moments spent with her, the alphabet would have been no more than a bunch of odd shapes and most of the world would not have made any sense!

A mother's hand is one of the first things that the infant feels and it's touch becomes an unmistakable sensation. Powerful, gentle, protective, steadying and more...she communicates all these qualities with no more than her touch. It is this touch that guides us throughout our time together, an unshakable reassurance of unconditional love that comforts us even when it is a memory.

Over the span of all the years I have spent in this life, I've observed an evolution in the relationship that I share with my mother. I began life as her eager student, soaking in all she had to teach like a dry sponge that has just been shown under a gushing tap! As the years progressed and I acknowledged the presence of different people in my life, I learnt new things, expanded my horizons in even more directions. This does not mean I abandoned my mother's paths (till today she remains my expert-of-choice on a vast range of topics)...what I'm saying is that I realised that there were many things that I could learn and share with her...things that even she did not know. I realised that we are both students in this enormous school called Life...that we are both looking for something...and that she is my senior, but she is willing to learn each time I find something that she is unaware of (and vice-versa).

We are now partners in the journey of our existence...Children of the same Universe...rivers meandering towards the same ocean. Sometimes we are hand-in-hand and at sometimes we do things a little differently, but an undying love binds as at all times. It began even before I came into existence in her womb and will remain even when we are no longer there in this world...for that is the glory of a mother and her child.

Here's to all our mothers! :)

God bless!

Darbari

Leave my side, O Kanha!
Speak to me no more...
Sweet words shall not move me
And caresses will not heal my pain.

Thus speaks the grieving Radha,
With angry tears in her eyes,
And her voice trembling with sorrow,
As she turns her face from her beloved...

Heedless, the Lord embraces her,
Even as she strains against his touch,
His breath whispers in her midnight hair,
And His fragrance fills the air she breathes...

Weakening in her pride, she struggles still...
A candle flickering in the gale of his affection,
Defying his love with all her might,
Furious at herself for seeing her own folly...

But He is as unrelenting as the wind,
His love swoops on her from all sides,
And her resolves crumbles against his smiles,
Even as he wipes the kohl from her fair cheeks...

In wonder then, Radha gazes at Him,
Krishna, revealed in his infinite form,
Space disappears, Time ceases and the Self dissolves,
Only Love remains...eternal...unchanging...
_______________________________

This poem was written to express sentiments that the Raag Darbari evoked in me, as I basked in Ustad Rais Khan's spirited rendition of the same. I witnessed the performance of the sixty-six year old maestro a few weeks ago, at Mumbai's famous Nehru Centre.

The theme of Radha and Krishna's love was used as a metaphor for something that many people experience in their lives. I have experienced it myself on many occasions...even on the day of the recital that inspired this poem...

You see, I had not made any plans to go for this programme. The passes for the show were given to me by some well-wishers all of a sudden and I quickly had to make some plans to reach the venue soon after I finished at the office. What happened however, was that a carefully constructed plan to reach the auditorium on time, collapsed most miserably and I reached a full hour late. My plight on the way there was quite pathetic. I was under the impression that I would reach too late to attend the Ustad's performance and would instead have to sit through only the second recital, which was by an artiste for whom I have no real liking! I fumed silently, until I got there, silently reprimanding the Universe for setting me in the thick of Mumbai traffic.

Imagine my surprise however when I walked into the hall and realised that the Ustad had not yet performed! Instead the stage was occupied by the other artiste, who was coming to the end of his recital (and with due respect to his knowledge of music, I was glad to have missed most of it, since I don't like his way of presenting the Raag!). I was perplexed, because even the pass had made it seem like the Ustad was performing first...I still don't know what happened, but the fact remains that I got to witness his entire performance soon after...and was left week in the knees, because of the sheer artistry to which I was exposed.

Darbari is a Raag that evokes a feeling of despondence, sorrow and reluctance in the beginning, but gradually takes the listener towards a sweet realisation and even ecstasy. Oddly, this is quite similar to what I experienced in the process of reaching the auditorium so horribly late, only to find that I had missed nothing. In fact, now that I think more about it, I think the scheme of things conspired to keep me away from the performance that I would not have liked and showed me the one that I will remember forever! :)

Similarly, the poem I wrote is woven around Radha's anger at Krishna, for some action of his that annoyed her. She is angry with him for having done something and decides to reprimand and punish him for the same. Nevertheless, she is unable to hold on to her disgruntlement and sadness for long because Krishna loves her unconditionally; in the face of his ceaseless affection and goodwill, her negative sentiments fade into nothing.

The Universe/God loves us unconditionally, even when our lack of understanding causes us to question this love. Sometimes circumstances make us question the grand scheme of things and we accuse the supreme of abandoning or neglecting us. However, we have usually only to wait a little before things happen that make us realise that despite our misgivings, there was plan and reason behind the occurrence of events in our lives. Somehow, and sometimes in a very convoluted way, each event in our lives has a meaning, shaped ever so carefully by the hand of the divine.

I know it's not necessarily easy to accept these words, especially if events in your life have led you to question the role of God in your life. Nevertheless, I hope and pray that positive change occurs in your life, driven by your hopes and prayers... and that you remember this offering of mine when the grand plan of your life unfurls before you.

God Bless!

Hello 2007!

There are just about 15 minutes to before the date changes to 2nd January 2007...so let me finish this fast!

This is the first of many posts that will find themselves on LifeStrings in the year 2007. I don't have a specific topic in mind, yet...at present I'm still revelling in the odd excitement of having entered the new year. I don't know what it is that always gets me so excited about the first of January (it's something like the thrill I used to feel on my birthdays, when I was much younger and believed that we only grow taller on our birthdays!).

This year has opened itself with an inspiration for hope, prayers and conviction. Hope for the joy, love and compassion that I will find in the days to come, prayers to spread such thoughts and actions in all areas of my life and the conviction that I will indeed do so, no matter what!

This evening, as I took a walk in the deliciously cool breeze, I suddenly found myself thinking along such lines...and almost on cue, a dozen sparklers flew into the dark sky, exploding with their jubilant hues (apparently there was a celebration of some kind in a nearby building, where the residents were lighting these firecrackers). On and on they went, streaking up in golden trails and filling the night with their colours...and somehow I knew at once that the Universe had conspired once again...giving me an indication of the happiness that is to come.

I welcome you to the new year of posts on LifeStrings...more shared experiences, thoughts, insights and love. :)

God Bless!

Farewell, 2006!

If you're reading this, thank you, yet again, for sharing my life, even if it's only by means of reading LifeStrings. It means a lot to me.

This is my last post for 2006, which has been a most remarkable year, as far as I'm concerned. It was a period in which I found knowledge, overcame barriers from within, got my first job, forged new friendships and above all, experienced love and compassion in a hundred different ways.

So, to mark the end of this year, I decided to write a post that would create a sense of closure (mostly for myself!) and appreciation for all that has happened over the last 365 days. My post takes the form of a list of lessons that I've learnt over this year. Many of you will have been directly involved in the experiences that have led to the thoughts I now express. Perhaps you will even be able to sense where you contributed to my learning :)

• The greatest strength we can find is within ourselves
  Nothing can surpass the potency of the human spirit, once it has committed itself to a positive pursuit. This year, I found strength and determination when I needed it the most, in order to overcome indecision, apprehension and certain anxieties. I don't think these three obstacles were very different from what we all routinely experience in the course of life, but I tend to observe that we prolong their duration in our consciousness by waiting for their dismissal to come from something external.
  
  What I found, over the last several months, was that the greatest light and energy source that we can hope to harness come from nothing other than our own souls. It manifests itself in our prayers, in our thoughts and in our actions, when we decide that we will mobilize all our resources for the good of ourselves as well as others. There is nothing that this power cannot accomplish. Hope unlooked for, comes into the lives of the hapless, small miracles happen to adjust the larger scheme of things most pleasantly and the Universe starts making sense.
  
  So, we need to believe that we are worthy of positive change, believe that we deserve good things to happen to us and we must love ourselves. Three little fragments of a sentence, but each carrying the weight of an unshakable mountain once established within the human heart. Do you think you can do it? I know you can...
  
• There is a Big Picture and we're all a part of it
  The Universe has a plan, it unfurls as we speak, and we all belong to it. Our lives have a meaning and purpose, each contributing to the way in which the we and our worlds shape themselves. Our thoughts and affirmations have power...they make things happen. They don't say "faith moves mountains" for nothing, you know!
  
  More than once this year, I've seen how the thoughts I've sent out have shaped my present and future (apart from helping me resolve issues of the past). The Universe responds to our thoughts with similar energies and experiences. So the little secret is to think about and visualise what you want from life, as clearly as you possibly can. Think it, see it, feel it and let it fill your being. It doesn't matter if it's something material or something abstract. It will come to you once you need it and believe that you will get it.
  [A small tip: It's usually a good idea to ensure that your thoughts for self-development are flavoured with some thoughts for the enhancement of others. Ask for anything you want but make sure that you affirm that it happens in the best interests of all concerned beings. Basically this means specifying the end and not the means (leave those to the Universe!). You see, there are many occasions in life when we want something and think about how we can get it, regardless of who or what that process might damage. So effectively, we're asking for something that goes against the interests of others...and in the process our thoughts and prayers conflict with those of other people. Ultimately it means delayed responses for everyone, and where's the good in that?
  
  Include the best interests of all others in your thoughts and the Universe acts so fast its unbelievable! Just try it sincerely a few times (even if it's just to humour me!)].
  
• Something good can be churned out of any situation
  Recently, a colleague left me speechless with appreciation when he spoke about Swami Vivekananda saying that no misery is undeserved. It suddenly struck me most poignantly that everything happens for a reason (I tend to attribute all those reasons to the Cycle of Karma, which I believe in very strongly)...the best and the worst. We have to be able to rejoice in the former and accept the lessons that are embedded in the latter.
  
  There are lessons to be learnt from even the worst experiences of life...even those which we think we have done nothing to deserve. There are two ways of looking at such situations: The first is the maladaptive way of thinking that we have been wronged and must now make all efforts to escape. The second is the path of conviction in which we believe that misfortune may have befallen us, but we still have the chance to stand our ground and we have the power to eliminate all the effects of that misfortune. It may take months and years, but we can and will do it.
  
  Writing this down is a lot simpler than putting it into practice, but I speak from experience...
  
• Sharing one's heart is never in vain
  There are few things comparable to the joy that comes from finding that you have what it takes to reach out emotionally to another person. There is so much suffering out there, in the lives of people we care about and also in the lives of those we may never meet. We might not be able to reach everyone, but we can make a huge difference in the lives of those we can reach.
  
  I'm not talking about material support here...I'm talking about emotional and compassionate help. To be able to help another person give release to their fears, apprehensions, distress and sorrows is a great gift. It is an ability that has to be nurtured with one's own evolution as a being. It comes from being able to make another sense that you care and that you will never use the knowledge that they give you for your own interests. Most importantly, it is an act of unconditional love that goes a long way in forging the most meaningful and affectionate relationships that one can imagine.
  
  Elizabeth Kubler Ross says it best: "I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other."

So, with these little offerings, I share with you some elements of what my mind and heart have learnt over the last year and hope that you find something sustaining in them.

Happy New Year to you all!

God Bless!

Yaman

Twilight stretches its arms across the sky,
Kalindi robes herself in swirling shadows,
A gentle breeze whispers sweet nothings to all ears that listen...

On the riverbank sits the moon-skinned Radha,
Brighter than pearls, a tear gleams on her fair cheek,
Kanha fills her thoughts and she aches for his touch...

But He is a trickster, wily and unrelenting,
In hiding, he watches his beloved with mirth in his eyes,
And listens with amusement to the longing in her sighs...

Soon, he will cast aside his concealment,
And gleefully approach her on soundless feet,
His sudden embrace will startle her and his laughter will ease her cares...

Then tears shall be wiped, sighs shall become loving murmurs,
And songs of love will be whispered into the playful breeze...
_____________________________________________

The above poem came to me a few nights ago, when I was listening enraptured to Ustad Usman Khan's sitar recital. The aged maestro played Raag Yaman, which is particularly close to my heart because it is the first Raag I learnt from my Guru. Over the hour-long recital, the images associated with this poem flowed freely in my mind...writing them later took almost no effort...

Yaman is the quintessential twilight melody...the music of a silent yearning that morphs into devotion and hope. It reminds the performer and listener alike, of the elusive completion that all beings are searching for. The true beauty of the bandishes (lyrical compositions) of Hindustani music, lies in the hidden meanings of their words. To an unseeing mind, many of them will give voice to the passion and games of two lovers, describing their affection for each other. However, at a deeper and more abstract level, one can find the profound spiritual flavour that permeates all Hindustani music.

Radha and Krishna symbolise pure, unfettered love. With beauty that dwarfs anything else, Radha is the devotee who has submitted entirely to the divinity in Krishna. And despite his overt mischievousness and tendency to vex his beloved, Krishna is completely dedicated to her. Radha symbolises the human who yearns for spiritual awakening/realization and strives for this insight through devotion to a spiritual path. Krishna symbolises the awakening that lies at the end of that path, i.e. God. Krishna's little games and wiles mirror the way in which divinity permeates our lives with a hundred little coincidences that have no logical roots, but somehow make our lives brighter and more meaningful. The Universe tests us in myriad ways, but for those of us who have faith in the scheme of things, such tests always yield pleasant results.

Krishna tests Radha by delaying the moment of their union, but Radha, despite her sadness, never fails in keeping her mind fixed on him. In response to her devotion, he has no choice but to reveal himself to her. Similarly, Yaman tells the listener to maintain a focus on the supreme, despite the distress that comes from not achieving a speedy realisation of it...for once the mind is focused, there is no way that the divine will be able to ignore it.

God Bless!

PS. If you are interested in listening to something in Raag Yaman, the best thing to do would be to purchase its rendition by an acclaimed artiste. My favourite Yaman recitals have been by Smt. Kishori Amonkar (vocals), Pt. Bhimsen Joshi (Vocals), Gundecha Bandhu (vocals) , Ustad Vilayat Khan (Sitar) and Ustad. Amjad Ali Khan (Sarod).

You can also listen to some clips of Yaman on the following websites:

• www.itcsra.org (click on "Samay Raga" on the right side of the landing page and then select Yaman from the rotating display that appears).
  
• www.swarganga.org (click on the Raagabase link in the left navigation and locate Yaman in the database that appears)
  
• http://www.sawf.org/music/articles.asp?pn=Music this is the music section of www.sawf.org, which consists of brilliant articles on Indian Classical Music, written by Rajan Parrikar. Select the item called Kalyan, from the table of contents that appears.)

And remember...(especially if you are the sort of person who grumbles about not being able to 'understand' the words in a song)...in the words of Ustad Usman Khan...there is nothing to understand in this music, but there is a lot to feel! :)

M, G, R: A Trinity to Remember

It's been quite a while since I wrote something about a person. So, I thought, why not make this post special and write not just about no less than three amazing people. These are people who made a difference in my life...spending time with them has shaped my mind in many ways. Today, by writing about them, I get to express what each of them taught me...

To be able to teach well is an incomparable gift. Exceptional teachers facilitate the expansion of their students consciousnesses. They makes their pupils integrate all kinds of knowledge into a wholesome constellation of thoughts about the world. By example, they demonstrate ethics and principles that last their students for entire lifetimes. I'm blessed to have had many such teachers in my life and today, I want to tell you about three individuals who shine most brightly in that group. In a way, this is also a sequel to the last post on Xavier's because all three of them have been professors who taught me during my undergraduate studies...interestingly, they are all Xavierites themselves! :)

***
M

A single-minded dedication to one's work and striving for consistently high standards is what I learnt from M. I studied all three of the papers she taught and what never ceased to amaze me was the sheer enthusiasm and passion with which she taught papers which are often clubbed in the more technical and dry sections of psychology. I can't speak for everyone else but that passion rubbed off on me...not just for those papers, but in general for any work that I undertake. Above all the theories, formulae and testing nuances that she imparted, what she taught me was to do my best to grasp all kinds of knowledge and form relations between them. If there was ever a stickler for quality as well as quantity, it was M. Without really over-emphasising it, she managed to make us try and write lengthy answers to her questions, with as many different points as possible. There were only one or two people who could develop the physical skill of writing those enormous answers in a given span of time, but what almost everyone learnt was the content of those answers, regardless of whether or they were written completely on the answer sheet. When I look back on those days now, when college is over and those examinations seem so inconsequential in the scheme of things, I realise that getting that answer down pat was not the most important thing...the goal was the absorb all the knowledge that it required. That knowledge and its resultant perspective are what will last me a lifetime...not a few marks in some old exam!

M was someone who immersed herself in her studies with the intensity of an eagle swooping on its prey. She had several enormous tomes of psychology at her fingertips, her extempore citations gliding between those voluminous works with ease that belied the long hours she spent covering them. As students we got the benefit of having a living database who dictated a bunch of wonderfully compiled notes and spared us the trouble of poring over those books (which were in limited supply). Nevertheless, M never ceased exhorting the value of exhaustive reference work and pushed us to explore as much as we could, whether in books or on the Internet. Today, if people tell me that I have a tendency to want to go deeper and deeper into a given domain, I attribute a large part of it to her.

***
G

G challenged every stereotype, irrationality and dogma in my mind. I will never be able to thank her enough for the perspective she gave me over my second year in Xavier's, in which she taught a paper on gender studies. For the first time in my life, I found myself questioning everything that goes into establishing masculinity and femininity in an individual. Most importantly, I transcended the barrier of man and woman to reach the level of a Person. With a ruthless intensity she dissolved the schemas of gender stereotypes in her students, on a dazzling array of topics such as colours, emotions, displays of affection, menstrual cycles, career opportunities and education, sports, responsibilities etc. She knew just which topics to pick on, which givens to challenge and which fallacies to wring and hang up for drying. Religion, communalism, parenting standards and socialization were attacked with a surgical precision which suddenly showed me how much harm we do our children by forcing them into gendered compartments when indeed androgyny is the standard that we need to aspire to. Masculinity and femininity are required in all people, regardless of there sexual characteristics. She showed us why this was so and how to strive to instill androgyny in ourselves as well as the future generations we will rear.

Counselling was another discipline which G taught with an infectious passion. For the first time, I found myself floundering as I tried to make an empathic response to her statement, while she simulated a client. I realised in that moment, the difference between theory and application and began my attempts to bridge that gap at once! She showed us by example and in several heated discussions on all kinds of issues, how to go beyond textbook definitions and actually respond to human actions, which is the first step in becoming a good counsellor. G was all about being able to actually do what the books said. She wanted to see us develop the skills to create an empathic and genuine atmosphere in a relationship, to be able to zero in on the root of another's distress and then devise a way to help him/her confront and resolve it. Despite the fact that this was beyond the scope of her paper, she took the time to show us glimpses of how it is done and those of us who are considered good counsellors today, owe her quite a bit of the credit.

There's another small thing about G that deserves mentions...her impeccable sense of style and personal grooming. I've yet to come across someone who is so tastefully attired. Whether her outfit was Indian or Western, there is never a thread out of place. Her jewellery and clothes are picked to be understated but extremely elegant. I know that there was more than one girl in my class to took tips from her clothing habits and the way she carried herself...perfectly poised and radiating professionalism!

***
R

"And remember, Santa doesn't necessarily wear a red suit!" These were R's parting words for me, when we last had a small chat over the phone, just yesterday. To be quite frank, they capture her essence perfectly.

Cheerful, (genuinely) optimistic beyond belief, someone who always manages to get time for everything she cares about (and believe me, that is no small bunch of things!), perfectly organised and marvellously in tune with her inner child. That's only a small part of the complex human phenomenon that is R.

In class, she would begin by sketching a detailed outline of the chapter on the blackboard. Once that was in place, it was really simple for a student figure out the exact sequence in which information was to be understood. That, and the fact that she has the most superb blackboard handwriting that I have ever seen...honestly, I put it only second to blackboard calligraphy (which I have yet to see).

At the end of several lectures, she read out something inspirational...a poem, something from a Chicken Soup book, a funny but meaningful anecdote etc. It was always chosen to emerge seamlessly from the academic topic we had been discussing, but by the time it was over we had absorbed some learning for life. There was so much of her spirit infused in those stories...they just stayed with you!

"Bright", is another word that describes her. She was never one for the sober look...a trademark ponytail, colourful t-shirts and jeans, trendy kurtis and a loud and unreserved laugh made her stand out wherever she went. Remarks about her appearance being more like a student than a teacher were as good as water on a ducks back because she is a person who thrives on her individuality and free-spiritedness. Whilst more than one astonished head may turn when she walks by, her bearing overflows with unflinching ease and self-confidence. She's all about being comfortable in your own skin, and that is something that I think everyone should strive for!

One of the nicest experiences I've had as a student was brought about by her, near the Christmas holidays. On such days she would wear a Santa hat on her head the whole day, just revelling in the happiness that it gave her. She also made it a point to infuse the Christmas spirit into her classes on that day, in whichever way possible. On one of these days, she had arranged for all her students to pick chits out of a box. Each chit had the name of another student from the class. Each person's task was to get a gift for the person who's name was on the chit, without ever letting that person know who had got his/her name. The gifts were all supposed to be very inexpensive but as meaningful as could be managed within that stipulated amount. In the next class, we all put the gifts we had bought in a single place from where she handed out the presents to each person in her class. I will never forget how good it felt to overhear the recipient of my gift telling someone else how touched she was by the little present that I had bought for her. It made me feel wonderful and I knew that R was entirely responsible for it.

Yes, Santa does not necessarily appear in a red suit. Santa comes in myriad forms, but makes a consistent appearance in R, whenever Christmas comes and oddly even otherwise! :)

****************

So that was my tribute to three exceptional people who've influenced my life in goodness knows how many ways. I hope in some way this post reminds you of great teachers in your life...and in case it does not, then I hope that you get to know people like them very soon!

God Bless and Ho Ho Ho!

Xavier's

Today, after what seemed like an eternity, I found myself driving through the roads of South Mumbai and suddenly, my spirits rose as I realised that I was very close to my alma mater.

Have I told you about Xavier's? I think not...and even if I have, I still want to write about it because today my heart sings with those memories and I can't resist the desire to express them. :)

It was probably one of the most blessed occsasions in my life when I walked through the main entrance of St. Xavier's College, Mumbai, knowing that I would be completing my undergraduate studies there. Life was to change forever once I set foot in those premises...

I had never been to Mumbai before. My life until then, had been spent in Calcutta and Delhi. When I shifted to Mumbai, it wasn't for a vacation, but for keeps...luckily, before I joined college, I had a couple of months to orient myself with the city, getting familiar with its people and its indomitable pulse.

Mumbai rapidly became my idea of home. I was comfortable with the people, quickly learnt the public transport system, savoured the seafood and took long walks on the beach. I found the weather agreeable and soon learnt to accept the overpopulation and fearsome traffic snarls with the singlemindedness of the regular Mumbaikar. Delhi, by comparison was cleaner, more spacious and had a lovely winter, but had never really made me happy. With the exception of a few wonderful friends I had there, there weren't many people in school that I could relate to. I spent over two years feeling like a misfit and doing much to avoid the attentions of the school bullies. When it was time to leave school, therefore, I did not feel any measure of sadness, but rather looked forward most expectantly to starting a life in Mumbai, where my folks were relocating.

Expectations can be tricky things...they often turn up at the root of most forms of unhappiness. I knew this but still preferred to think of Mumbai as an exciting new chapter in my life. I trusted in the Universe and believed that there was something magical waiting for me on the west-coast of India, where I had never walked before. The day I walked into my College, I realised that it was the magical gift that had been prepared for me.

How should I describe Xavier's to you? It was a feeling of oneness that I had missed for so long in Delhi. I did not know anyone in that college and was completely unfamilar with its classrooms and corridors, but something in the air whispered a welcome. Somehow, I felt very safe in that building...and I knew that the whole place wanted me to be there.

One of the first thoughts that spun through my mind as I walked through the ancient building was, "I'm in Hogwarts!" :) You see, I had just begun a studious devouring of JK Rowlings books and my imagination was brimming with their contents. So, when I walked through a myriad different passages and stairways, looked at strange gothic architecture, dozens of stone gargoyles and a generous sprinkling of faculty members (who had obviously been around for ages), there was a little part of me that was staring at the place with the wonder of a student entering Hogwarts for the first time!

Over the three years that passed, Xavier's steadily gave me some of the greatest gifts that life sent my way. A superb group of friends with whom I have enduring ties (even though they are now literally scattered across the globe!), an education that changed forever my view of things - broadening my perspectives, taking me within as well as without - and a desire to transcend intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I found myself engaged in discussions with some of the finest minds that it has been my privelege to meet and in their presence I learnt to examine my own thoughts with fresh perspectives. We grew together as we touched each other's lives.
There's something about Xavier's that makes you want to make a persistent impression on the canvas of existence. It's not necessarily about achieving world renown (although there is no dearth of Xavierites who have achieved that)... it's more about touching the lives of people you come in contact with and somehow leaving them with something positive, no matter how small.

"Provocans ad volandum" - provoke to fly - is the college motto. As eaglets leave their eyeries and leap into the air - the wind beneath their wings and their eyes fixed on the gleaming sun - Xavierites leave their College at the end of their education, secure in the knowledge that no matter where life takes them, they have what it takes to ascend, to rise above the milling throngs of humanity and help others reach the same place...

Blessed

I'm incredibly pleased to say that LifeStrings is one year old today! :)

Last year, on this very day, I discovered the Way of the Blog and signed on as an ardent follower. There's been no looking back since. LifeStrings is here to stay (unless the Internet or blogger.com cease to exist...in which case I have a back-up of all my posts anyway!). Incidentally, I also turned twenty-four a few days back, so there are two birthdays that I'm celebrating through this post.

Birthdays always excite me. The parties and the good food are definitely big attractions, but more than that it's the fact that we celebrate the life of someone we care about, and we thank the Universe for the day in which this person came out into the world and our lives. When I celebrate my birthday, what I'm happiest about is that I've completed another year in the company of the most amazing people, learnt several more of life's innumerable lessons and moved a little further along the path of completion. I'm just so thankful for the fact that there are so many people for me to share love with and there are countless reasons for me to smile... :) I'm blessed and I would shout it from the rooftops if I could...who knows, perhaps I will someday!

When I started with LifeStrings, I was not very certain about how long it would last. I took it as an exercise in creative writing which I would terminate whenever I got bored of it. Little did I know what I was getting into! Before I knew it, LifeStrings had becomes and entity by itself. It became the physical manifestation of a part of me that I didn't voice as much as I would have liked...and in the process it taught me how to voice this even in the "real world"! I cannot tell you how many times I've gained wonderful insights on my existence while listening to the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard. Similarly, so many people have enriched my sense of self with the comments that they left on my posts...they encouraged me to write more because they felt a connection with my ideas. What I felt in turn, is that a deep-seated part of my being was now connected to so many like-minded souls. The world shrank most remarkably and my life grew still brighter!

So, if you're reading this, thank you for being a part of my life...even if we've never met, LifeStrings connects us and you get a glimpse of my inner world in this way. It doesn't matter if you leave a comment or not (although I would be glad to read your thoughts!)...I want to thank you for just being there.

God Bless!

Light and Dark

I write my sixtieth post to mark Deepawali, the Hindu festival of lights. This year, while watching the preparations for this event, I started thinking about Light and what it means for us. In the process, my over-prosaic mind churned out a bundle of thoughts, which are offered below:

Deepawali is celebrated to mark the homecoming of Ram, the crown prince of ancient Ayodhya, who was exiled for fourteen years. On that evening, which also happened to be amaavasyaa (a moonless night), the people of Ayodhya lit row upon row of deeps (oil lamps) to light his path. Their attempt was to mark their joy by turning night into day. It is on this effort, that the little grey cells are currently focused.

Can any amount of oil lamps generate enough light to make the night seem like day? Even in the present day and age, do electric lights actually generate enough energy to make such an illusion possible? To the best of my knowledge, the answer is in the negative... What this means, therefore, is that the attempt to dispel the darkness is symbolic. It with this symbolism, that I am most impressed as well as inspired.

To my mind, the visual phenomenon of darkness is not of much consequence here. Darkness is the absence of light, nothing more. Without light, the rods and cones of our eyes are unstimulated and the phenomenon of vision does not occur. From a physiological perspective this is obviously very important, but this discussion will not concern itself with the physiological world. Instead, it is the spiritual significance of Deepawali, that presents itself as a particularly delectable morsel for the mind! :)

Darkness, to me, is much more than the troublesome impediment that makes it difficult to find the bathroom door in the middle of the night. It is transitory at best and easily dealt with by turning on a bedside lamp. Real darkness exists not in the external world, but in the human mind. It consists of ignorance, hatred, fear, anger and unhappiness (to name but a few). It is far more persistent and (oddly) unpredictable in its assaults on our sensibilities that its physically manifest cousin. Deepawali, for me, is a symbol of the human pledge to fight and banish this darkness, that lurks in the consciousness of almost every person.

"Tamasoma jyotirgamayah" - "From darkness, take me to light" - is the second part of the ancient Sanskrit prayer to the divine, that asks for human consciousness to be guided towards truth, light and immortality. The light that it asks for is the radiance of knowledge, peace, joy and hope. These are the only weapons that banish darkness from our minds...they are the tools that can permanently achieve the phenomenon of turning night into day.

The way I see it, when Ram returned to his kingdom, his coming was the answer to the prayers of his people, who spent fourteen long years hoping for his return. They lit their lamps to mark the way in which his advent dispelled their sorrow and kindled in its place, the expectation of joyous days ahead. Ram took samadhi in the Sarayu river, thousands of years ago, but the tradition that his homecoming started, remains till today. When we light our lamps, turn on the endless chains of twinkling electric lights and burst lakhs of rupees worth of crackers (which I still think is a senseless waste), we symbolically use light and sound to dispel darkness. The real magic happens within our minds, when we pray for the new year, asking for knowledge abundance, prosperity and joy. We envision ourselves and our loved ones as revelling in these gifts. Our happiness and laughter is powered by these dreams, which is why it effectively pierces the night and spreads the message of Deepawali. On this day, when we are surrounded be people whom we care about...when we give and receive tokens of affection from our friends and relatives, we suddenly become aware of how much happiness we get from the company of these people. Their smiles ease our cares, when necessary their shoulders bear the burden of our tears, and every moment spent with them is a blessing in itself. Which oil lamp can ever match the brightness that they bring to our lives? :)

Yes, darkness is indeed the absence of light. On Deepawali we make a commitment to fight against darkness both within and without. Whilst movements of the sun and the earth make the latter an inescapable phenomenon, we vow to never stray from the path that banishes the darkness of the human mind. In gaining knowledge and spreading knowledge, cherishing our families and friends and doing those little things that speak volumes lies the key to our ultimate enlightenment.

Happy Deepawali to us all! God Bless :)

Dhunuchi

The Dhakis walked slowly around the semicircular enclosure, beating their differently tuned drums. In their midst, the devotee began to sway...a lady the world would label as well past her prime...large, overweight, middle-aged, hair coloured with henna to mask the abundance of grey in it. Her fine saree and glittering silver waistband were not enough to conceal the effects of age and maintaining a family, that had left her with but a shadow of what must have been a very striking woman several years ago.

Nevertheless, she hefted the heavy, wide-brimmed clay pots filled with dhuno (a smoking mixtures of camphor, incense, tinder and coconut husk) with the enthusiasm of an eighteen year old and began her dance to the accompaniment of the drummers and the ceaseless ululations of the audience. Her long hair swirled this way and that while beads of perspiration gleamed on her dusky skin. Her hands moved in gentle circles guiding the pots of dhuno in intricate patterns as her feet moved over the enclosure. Age seemed to fall away from her, space and time faltered in their ceaseless vigil as the drummers increased the tempo to a dramatically faster beat. In perfect tandem, the matriarch matched them beat for beat. Now she leaped in the air, her tresses flying behind her, her waistband gleaming like the sun on water, the pots of dhuno creating arcs of smoke along the paths traced by her hands. In apparent defiance of the limitations placed by her own body, this lady spun on the ground, tossed her head proudly almost daring the drummers to try and outdo her. When they finally stopped, she too came to a standstill; her chest rising and falling in deep breaths and her face aglow. Her eyes found the face of the Goddess for whom she had danced and she raised her hands in a gesture of the utmost devotion...

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"Dhunuchi", the smoke-dance, is one of the most marvellous aspects of Durga Puja as celebrated by the Bengalis of India. At present, the 5-day Durga Puja is being celebrated by Bengali communities across India and I'm blessed to be living a stone's throw away from one such celebration. The above description is something that I witnessed while attending the festivities of the second day. It is but one example of a number of people, many of them in their late fifties at least, who discarded the trappings of age and status, to partake freely in the attempt to invoke the blessings of Durga through this dance-form.

"Durga" derived from the Sanskrit word durg (for fort), literally means the inaccessible one. She was brought forth with considerable efforts (for a few more details on this, read my post, "The Better Half", dated 30th May 2006) by the most powerful beings who themselves deferred to her. Her power has to be ceaselessly invoked by her devotees and even when she responds to their call, she does not stay with them for very long. She blesses them with exactly what they need and then departs, for her energy is too great to be borne by mortals, beyond the span of a few days.

The form of the Devi presents a contradiction of sorts. We call her "mother" and yet we see her adorned as a warrior, with many hands, each holding a weapon. At her feet lies the demon Mahishasura, grimacing in pain as her trident pierces him. Despite this, in most portrayals her face looks infinitely calm and loving. My point is, this is often, the way a mother is! She wears many 'hats', so to speak. At once, she nurturing, protective, vigilant, receptive, strong, punishing, forgiving etc. The calm look on Durga's face reflects the boundless love she has for her children/devotees. Her armed appearance is a human depiction of the complete power she has to protect us from all evil (each weapon she holds, has a meaning, but we will not get into that here!). The demon at her feet represents the greatest demon of all...the human 'ego'. Durga destroys the demon, just as submitting to her grace automatically quells human pride. The mother is ruthless in this action of slaying the ego, which is the greatest enemy of her children...and you can imagine the challenge of performing this task as the foe exists within her children, not outside them. To simultaneously wreck destruction and run the risk of hurting her child (for his/her own benefit), yet providing an unshakable support to him/her all along the road to recovery...this is the true power of Durga and the often unnoticed prowess of many mothers in this world.

Yesterday when I stood before her, mulling over the handful of ideas mentioned above, I was suddenly hit by wave upon wave of emotion. My tears flowed freely even as I gazed at her face. It was almost as if my entire life until that moment flashed before my eyes...the throngs of other devotees seemed to disappear and only the sounds of the Dhakis' frenzied drumming remained as I looked at her face...

My life, like that of most other individuals has been had its ups and downs. Some of the 'downs' have been pretty bad and many of the 'ups' have been correspondingly marvellous. However, through them all, I've felt something behind me, a stable, unchanging strength that has found a way to keep me centred. That strength, is what I interpret as the power of the Eternal Mother. She has been there for me, even when I didn't recognise her, responding to even my most unconscious calls. Many experiences in life left me considerably humbled, but she was there to make me learn my lesson and evolve from those experiences. People go to temples, often with the intention of asking for something special. When I went there yesterday, there was absolutely nothing I could as for (except a general well-being and happiness for my family and everyone else)...instead, I found myself brimming with thanks for everything that I had been through that had made me a better person. In that moment, I learnt what the Mother is, beyond the trappings of the idol which represents her. I won't forget this in a hurry!

God Bless! :)