There are times in life, when we want to take a decisive step, that means letting go of something or someone we are are very used to. At such times we struggle very much to achieve this transformation. In short, there is something in us that resists "change", which is what I want to write about today.
I cannot count the number of times I've heard something like "Change is the only constant", "Only change is permanent" etc. Yes, yes, I agree, but I think the reason behind the existence of these very highly redundant phrases should be discussed a little more!
Change is not always easy...it implies alteration, creation, destruction, adjustment...effort. Change is not always positive, change is not always painless. But it happens all the time, at micro and macro levels. There are microorganisms who are born, exist reproduce and die before we so much as finish drawing a deep breath. There are philosophers who believe that the very Universe is created, destroyed and recreated second upon second.
Yes, change is a constant, inalienable and in fact necessary for survival. Yet, it is not always easy to deal with change, especially when it means the alteration of well established thoughts, behaviours or relationships. Change of this kind is an emotional event that the individual has to process and work through, sometimes incurring considerable pain in the process. The difficulties are especially acute if one did not want the change in the first place and was forced to face it because of relatively external circumstances.
Today, I want to talk about possible ways in which we can look at the phenomenon on change in our lives and maybe leave this post with some thoughts on how we can facilitate positive change in our lives. An interesting, though cliched way of doing this, might be considering each letter in the word "Change" as representing of a facet of the whole process. Oh well...I think I'll just risk it...here goes!
C = Conviction (and Commitment)
Successful change requires conviction...the belief that we have taken the right step and that that we are going to achieve something fruitful by taking this step. It also implies the courage to stand by our decision and take responsibility for our actions. Our minds may falter several times even as we tread the path of change, but it is our conviction that keeps us steady and takes us closer to our goal.
When I write about conviction, I do not mean blind belief...I mean faith born out of experience, and thought that is both rational and intuitive. True conviction is born of mature thought, instinct and considerable exploration of one's emotions. I think emotions are by far the most important aspect of this situation...going through our emotions, letting them swirl within us, observing their movements, their causes and the thoughts that they lead to give us control over them and we are better able to make an informed choice.
Conviction is not enough unless we have commitment to support it. Belief is one thing...acting on it is another. Both must go hand in hand. We also have to prepare ourselves to be tested for both our conviction as well as commitment several times along the path to positive change.
H = Honesty
I don't think we can ever achieve successful change unless we are truly honest with ourselves and with others around us. What we will change, what the change will do for us and what we are prepared to accomplish or give up in the process are questions that we must answer for ourselves as well as for any others to whom we feel answerable...and these answers must be entirely truthful. Honesty gives us clarity...sometimes the clarity comes with painful revelations, but it is better to ride that pain and get it over with, rather than live with the dull ache of suppositions for the rest of one's life.
A = Acceptance
Change may sometimes lead to the loss of things that existed in our lives for a very long time. It may mean letting go of very old beliefs, ideas, habits...even people etc. We have to accept these conditions and consequences, if no other alternative presents itself. Acceptance is probably the most difficult facet of change because it is an internal phenomenon tested constantly by self-doubt and memories of what we gave up. Often it requires facing oneself very pointedly and noting some regrettable aspects of the past...it is quite difficult to acknowledge some of the things that happened to us, or some of the things that we did. Yet, acceptance is liberating and makes change more meaningful...it provides an unshakable platform on which we face the past, the present and the future and consolidate all three.
N = Norms
It is very important to define the 'limits' of change...while changes may be essential for some aspects of our lives, they might not be healthy if introduced in other areas. We have to be careful not to generalize change without deliberation. For instance, developing assertiveness skills might be a great idea for dealing with bullies in the workplace, but one must be careful not to let assertiveness creep into interactions with even relatively benign people. It is simply not required in some situations and using it inappropriately can ruin interpersonal relationships. Change can sometimes be a very heady feeling...so much so, that it's difficult to stop trying to implement it everywhere.
G = Gravity
We have to take change seriously, especially when it's impact is likely to be wide-ranging. It might be alright to make light of it once in a while, just to ease the mental burden of implementing it. However, in the long run, we have to respect ourselves for shouldering the responsibility of transforming our lives and we have to ensure that our conduct reflects the same. There may be others who fail to understand the courage required to alter one's life, no matter how small the alteration. To such people, our efforts lack meaning and it is difficult to persuade them otherwise. It is also difficult not to question one's actions when such people fail to appreciate one's efforts. The strength to counter the questions and flippant remarks of external entities, comes from regarding change as a powerful event in our lives and giving ourselves due respect for conducting it.
E = Enthusiasm
Zest is a crucial ingredient in facilitating positive change. Transformation requires great energy and and willingness. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual resources are all required for it. The willingness to utilize these resources comes from being aware of how we are going to benefit from the change. Looking forward to the results with positive expectations and having the confidence to realise those expectations leads to enthusiasm.
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So those were my humble thoughts on what it takes to truly affect change in our lives...do let me know if ever they remind you of something you changed, or help you step a little closer to transforming something in your life.
God Bless! :)
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