Today was just one of those occasions when things don't go as planned and the air seems to sit heavily on one's shoulders. Something happened that did not sit well with me and I was a little off-colour for a while...quite a while, I should say! I was completely absorbed in some work that I was trying to mould into an acceptable shape after having discovered that it did not meet the intended targets on some counts. Being a little fussy about my work, I was in no mood to engage in small-talk or exchange pleasantries with anyone. Unfortunately, in my case, my face is an open book, it seems, for anyone who knows me even fairly well. I received a hail of enquiries, comments and suggestions from several people - the concerned as well as the amused variety - most of which I answered only half-heartedly or in feigned surprise and denial. Sometimes, when one is a little bothered, it is just plain aggravating if others come and ask the "What ails thee?" type of questions! More than once I was forced to bite back a response laden with a sarcasm, because I knew that the person who would receive them (in no small measure of amazement) meant me no harm! :)
My annoyance continued for several hours...the botheration giving way to a dull, exhausted irritation that would probably breathe its last when I resigned myself to a good night's sleep. However, it was one of the Universe's little charms that ensured that my vexation was shorter-lived than I had anticipated...
I had kept MSN Messenger on while working on my computer. Suddenly a little pop-up from the lower right hand corner of the screen announced that a good friend of mine had sent a message. Wearily I opened it, barely focused on its content...and then, in just a few sentences, I found the balm I needed for my aching thoughts! :)
My friend just stated in a simple and inimitable style that she had noticed my state earlier in the day and all she wanted to know was whether I was alright. Nobody else during the entire day, had expressed their observation in as straightforward, caring and affectionate a way as this friend of mine did...and without having to spell it out, she made it clear that she was there, waiting to listen to anything I had to say, to ease my cares just with her presence. Reading those lines was enough to take away every bit of botheration in my system. Before I knew it, I felt quite myself again! :)
There are times when you want someone to reach out to you...but you don't want it to be masked in sympathy, condescension or humour. You want someone to make you feel that they're there, right behind you, waiting to hold you should your steps falter, ready with a shoulder for you to cry on, should you feel the need to do so. You might not ever make use of these comforts, but you like to know that you will always have this option...that someone cares for you and will always call you by your name, even if you lose yourself in the ocean life...
May you all be blessed with friends like this! :)
Monday, September 18, 2006
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Forgiveness
I just watched a wonderful film that made me think about a whole range of topics. I won't give you details about the film (in case you're one of those people for whom even the tiniest hint about an unwatched film just ruins the story for them) but I will share with you some of my musings on an issue that the film brought up...forgiveness and the trial of asking for it.
Why are some of us so hesitant to admit that we made a mistake? Why are we still more hesitant to ask someone else to forgive our errors? These are the two main questions that the little grey cells are buzzing with at present...
"Pride" seems to be the answer that comes most readily to mind. Somehow, over the course of life, many of us have come to believe that admitting that we erred, is akin to "losing face" before others, being depleted of personal power and the losing the sense of being effective. The sense of self is threatened when one comes to realise that he/she was wrong and that someone else had it right all along, or at least did not make the mistake that one silently regrets (now)! When it actually comes to apologising, the sense of threat from within is even stronger...it's supremely difficult to summon the courage to apologise to someone because one is unsure of whether or not the apology will be accepted. Even worse, there is always the question of whether or not the other(s) will perceive one as being weak for having said ¨sorry¨ or having asked for forgiveness. All of the above comes under the function of the ¨ego¨, as we know it in lay terms.
The way I see it, most of the above are assumptions, made on the basis of things we experienced in life...past incidents where we either went through or observed the dynamics of the complex phenomenon that is admitting a mistake, apologising for it and asking forgiveness. We add to our world-view a general ´format´ (if you will) of how a typical incident of this kinds works out and we expect it to endure across situations and people. Most often, we don´t even bother to test this hypothesis and just behave in a way that is consistent with this view.
The result is often quite unfortunate...at the extremes of this dimension of our existence are the tendency to beg forgiveness for just about everything (regardless of whether one is responsible or not) and the opposite tendency to mulishly deny any chance of being in the wrong. Both these ends are maladaptive and need to be addressed...but Iĺl save that for another time!
What I´m mainly concerned with here, is what makes the act of act of genuine apology and the consequence of true forgiveness so valuable for us humans...
Several years ago, I did something that really hurt some people I care about very much. I had acted acted in secret to hide something from them, but my deception had been unearthed quite by chance. I was quite young at the time and in my child's perception, the action had not been so grave. For the older people it affected, however, it was quite unnerving...Even for a child, there are few things worse than seeing tears in the eyes of someone they love and to be aware of the fact that they put them there...remorse grips one's heart in a clutch of steel and there is nothing one can do to get away from that pain. Pride, fear and a boat-load of other inhibitions have to be overcome before a one can admit one's folly and request forgiveness.
What is equally incomparable is the experience of having the one you hurt (however inadvertently), put an arm around you, look you in the eye and tell you that they don't hold your actions against you...
Forgiveness is the vessel that takes a penitent mind to a new level of advancement. It liberates one from the harassment of one's own self-deprecation and substitutes it with the hope and motivation to make amends. We've all done some things that we cannot ever make ourselves believe were right...but not all of us have been able to make a heartfelt apology or receive genuine forgiveness. For all such people, I pray that they receive this precious blessing as soon as possible...and I trust that sooner than later, they will! :)
God Bless
Why are some of us so hesitant to admit that we made a mistake? Why are we still more hesitant to ask someone else to forgive our errors? These are the two main questions that the little grey cells are buzzing with at present...
"Pride" seems to be the answer that comes most readily to mind. Somehow, over the course of life, many of us have come to believe that admitting that we erred, is akin to "losing face" before others, being depleted of personal power and the losing the sense of being effective. The sense of self is threatened when one comes to realise that he/she was wrong and that someone else had it right all along, or at least did not make the mistake that one silently regrets (now)! When it actually comes to apologising, the sense of threat from within is even stronger...it's supremely difficult to summon the courage to apologise to someone because one is unsure of whether or not the apology will be accepted. Even worse, there is always the question of whether or not the other(s) will perceive one as being weak for having said ¨sorry¨ or having asked for forgiveness. All of the above comes under the function of the ¨ego¨, as we know it in lay terms.
The way I see it, most of the above are assumptions, made on the basis of things we experienced in life...past incidents where we either went through or observed the dynamics of the complex phenomenon that is admitting a mistake, apologising for it and asking forgiveness. We add to our world-view a general ´format´ (if you will) of how a typical incident of this kinds works out and we expect it to endure across situations and people. Most often, we don´t even bother to test this hypothesis and just behave in a way that is consistent with this view.
The result is often quite unfortunate...at the extremes of this dimension of our existence are the tendency to beg forgiveness for just about everything (regardless of whether one is responsible or not) and the opposite tendency to mulishly deny any chance of being in the wrong. Both these ends are maladaptive and need to be addressed...but Iĺl save that for another time!
What I´m mainly concerned with here, is what makes the act of act of genuine apology and the consequence of true forgiveness so valuable for us humans...
Several years ago, I did something that really hurt some people I care about very much. I had acted acted in secret to hide something from them, but my deception had been unearthed quite by chance. I was quite young at the time and in my child's perception, the action had not been so grave. For the older people it affected, however, it was quite unnerving...Even for a child, there are few things worse than seeing tears in the eyes of someone they love and to be aware of the fact that they put them there...remorse grips one's heart in a clutch of steel and there is nothing one can do to get away from that pain. Pride, fear and a boat-load of other inhibitions have to be overcome before a one can admit one's folly and request forgiveness.
What is equally incomparable is the experience of having the one you hurt (however inadvertently), put an arm around you, look you in the eye and tell you that they don't hold your actions against you...
Forgiveness is the vessel that takes a penitent mind to a new level of advancement. It liberates one from the harassment of one's own self-deprecation and substitutes it with the hope and motivation to make amends. We've all done some things that we cannot ever make ourselves believe were right...but not all of us have been able to make a heartfelt apology or receive genuine forgiveness. For all such people, I pray that they receive this precious blessing as soon as possible...and I trust that sooner than later, they will! :)
God Bless
Friday, September 01, 2006
The Best Kind of "High"
I often tend to get into brief (but somehow quite stimulating) arguments with people on the topic of alcohol consumption. The arguments are not very intense, and usually involve me explaining to people why I don't indulge in "drinking"... I decided to share this with you as well...feel free to let me know what you think!
I am not against drinking (although I take a strong objection to alcoholism and its related horrors) and I don't believe that the (so called) social-drinker is a bad person. What I most frequently have to talk about is why I personally avoid alcoholic beverages and refuse to accompany even good friends while they enjoy a peg or two.
My basic rationale is this... the various types alcohol (also nicotine and drugs) are substances that are ingested to alter one's consciousness. When consumed they make one feel lighter, more relaxed, altogether merrier (apparently there are other less mentionable effects as well, but nevermind those for now!) etc. So, they're usually the beverage of choice when people want to unwind and get rid of the stress and strain of work and a hundred other little things. Many people I know like to share a few drinks with some friends and spend some time enjoying the "high" that they get as a result. The "high" is the altered state of consciousness, reportedly very pleasant at the time but also the predecessor of a subsequent 'hangover' in most cases! :) While it lasts, people feel great...they can converse and share their thoughts easily, feel more comfortable letting their hair down etc. The reasons for which the prospect of this 'high' don't appeal to me are (a) I have to drink something that tastes ridiculously vile in order to achieve it (b) it's not something that I can't obtain through other 'no-need-to-swallow' means (c) I don't want any substance altering my consciousness, for better or for worse and (d) whatever "high" the drink is supposed to provide for me, I already possess in a more sophisticated, long-lasting and 'side-effect-free' form, as I will just explain!
To be conscious is a gift that must be nurtured from within. Happiness can only last if it's source is inside a person...anything joy that is rooted in externalities is bound to end, no matter how intense it is. How flippant and flitting is the happiness or the feeling of lightness that can come from just a glass-full of drink or a few puffs of smoke! It is a pallid and watery substitute for magnitude of the same feelings when they are generated from the divinity that is in us all. I have a friend who puts it very well, when she exclaims "I'm high on life!!!" I just love that line, because it sums up in four little words, an entire philosophy that she exemplifies. This friend of mine is the very picture of happiness and contentment. She can spread good cheer wherever she goes...fifteen minutes in her presence and people start feeling more at ease, communicate with steadily diminishing restraint and enjoy themselves thoroughly, regardless of whether or not there are drinks to be had. While she is special to me, I am certain that she is not the only person with this ability. She is just someone who has come to understand that nothing from the outside world can make her happy if she cannot draw happiness out of her own personal/internal world.
When I'm with a good friend, I'm entirely engrossed in how happy it makes me feel just to be with him or her. His/her presence and company is all that I'm interested in...his/her affection and involvement in my life is what I cherish. Each second of happiness that comes from our interaction feels more real and last infinitely longer (even when it is a memory to be retrieved later) that any drink possibly could. So, I absolutely refuse to let anything as meagre as a drink come in the way of that feeling...I mean, what on earth do I need that for? I can be high on friendship! :)
Besides my family and friends, I think that life is full of things that make you feel better than the most sophisticated alcohol ever could...music is one of them. My heart goes out to the musician who needs to down a few pegs or smoke-up before a performance. He/she has simply not been able to gain a true picture of what music is all about. Good music is the ultimate high...if you understand it well and can immerse yourself in it, music elevates your consciousness more than the finest of drinks ever could.
So, to sum it up, good friends, good music, good food, good conversation...these are the things I need to get "high", no intoxicant is ever going to come even near the sheer delight that I get from these things, which, with God's grace, are abundantly available in my life (my mother will be quick to point out at this point that I tend to overdo my 'high' when it comes to the food part! lol). :)
"Cheers!"
I am not against drinking (although I take a strong objection to alcoholism and its related horrors) and I don't believe that the (so called) social-drinker is a bad person. What I most frequently have to talk about is why I personally avoid alcoholic beverages and refuse to accompany even good friends while they enjoy a peg or two.
My basic rationale is this... the various types alcohol (also nicotine and drugs) are substances that are ingested to alter one's consciousness. When consumed they make one feel lighter, more relaxed, altogether merrier (apparently there are other less mentionable effects as well, but nevermind those for now!) etc. So, they're usually the beverage of choice when people want to unwind and get rid of the stress and strain of work and a hundred other little things. Many people I know like to share a few drinks with some friends and spend some time enjoying the "high" that they get as a result. The "high" is the altered state of consciousness, reportedly very pleasant at the time but also the predecessor of a subsequent 'hangover' in most cases! :) While it lasts, people feel great...they can converse and share their thoughts easily, feel more comfortable letting their hair down etc. The reasons for which the prospect of this 'high' don't appeal to me are (a) I have to drink something that tastes ridiculously vile in order to achieve it (b) it's not something that I can't obtain through other 'no-need-to-swallow' means (c) I don't want any substance altering my consciousness, for better or for worse and (d) whatever "high" the drink is supposed to provide for me, I already possess in a more sophisticated, long-lasting and 'side-effect-free' form, as I will just explain!
To be conscious is a gift that must be nurtured from within. Happiness can only last if it's source is inside a person...anything joy that is rooted in externalities is bound to end, no matter how intense it is. How flippant and flitting is the happiness or the feeling of lightness that can come from just a glass-full of drink or a few puffs of smoke! It is a pallid and watery substitute for magnitude of the same feelings when they are generated from the divinity that is in us all. I have a friend who puts it very well, when she exclaims "I'm high on life!!!" I just love that line, because it sums up in four little words, an entire philosophy that she exemplifies. This friend of mine is the very picture of happiness and contentment. She can spread good cheer wherever she goes...fifteen minutes in her presence and people start feeling more at ease, communicate with steadily diminishing restraint and enjoy themselves thoroughly, regardless of whether or not there are drinks to be had. While she is special to me, I am certain that she is not the only person with this ability. She is just someone who has come to understand that nothing from the outside world can make her happy if she cannot draw happiness out of her own personal/internal world.
When I'm with a good friend, I'm entirely engrossed in how happy it makes me feel just to be with him or her. His/her presence and company is all that I'm interested in...his/her affection and involvement in my life is what I cherish. Each second of happiness that comes from our interaction feels more real and last infinitely longer (even when it is a memory to be retrieved later) that any drink possibly could. So, I absolutely refuse to let anything as meagre as a drink come in the way of that feeling...I mean, what on earth do I need that for? I can be high on friendship! :)
Besides my family and friends, I think that life is full of things that make you feel better than the most sophisticated alcohol ever could...music is one of them. My heart goes out to the musician who needs to down a few pegs or smoke-up before a performance. He/she has simply not been able to gain a true picture of what music is all about. Good music is the ultimate high...if you understand it well and can immerse yourself in it, music elevates your consciousness more than the finest of drinks ever could.
So, to sum it up, good friends, good music, good food, good conversation...these are the things I need to get "high", no intoxicant is ever going to come even near the sheer delight that I get from these things, which, with God's grace, are abundantly available in my life (my mother will be quick to point out at this point that I tend to overdo my 'high' when it comes to the food part! lol). :)
"Cheers!"
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