Sunday, April 30, 2006

The Bangalore blogs : 3 : Buddha's Delight and More

Today I met another old school-mate, this time over lunch at a Chinese restaurant. I could clearly see his discomfort with the fact that I am now a vegetarian, but I guess one can cut a guy some slack when one is meeting with him after eight years! So, respecting his polite but decidedly forced assurance that he could eat vegetarian food just fine, I spared him the ordeal of ordering and went ahead with it myself. Eight-treasure soup, Singaporean rice noodles and Buddha's Delight thus found their way to our table. I don't know about my friend, but there was definitely some delight in it for yours truly.

Lunch table conversation was mostly about the good ol' days at school and about his studies as an aspiring dentist...it was the first time someone explained selecting a vocation for the kind of time schedule associated with it. I was quite impressed...when you select a profession, you also select a lifestyle associated with it; the numbers of holidays, the time you can give to work, the time you have left for leisure etc. A career is more than just a job choice...it is about a lifestyle. He had decided to embark on this line of study because he felt that in the future, he would work fewer hours, never really be troubled by emergency calls etc. Keeping in mind the already lucrative nature and scope of dentistry today, with most people being very conscious of their pearlies, I'd say "Smart move, old chap!"

Another thing that emerged from our conversation was that he had stopped playing a sport in which he had exhibited a high level of competence when he was in school. I was slightly taken aback when he mentioned this because his skill as always something that did our House proud in the inter-house matches. His blunt and slightly saddened confession that he had stopped playing his sport because of the demands of work made me think about how even preparing for the world of work can put so many people out of touch with their leisure activities and avocations. Without knowing it, they stifle important parts of themselves. Reading for pleasure becomes unheard of, golden voices barely sing a note even in the bathroom etc. etc. At some level, this is tragic. Such a major part of every human is more than what he/she can express in the world of work. To suffocate or mask it is a crime that most people commit against themselves. Humanity, as a collective, is responsible for this...we are placing unreasonable demands on ourselves in our bid to develop, progress, earn...We must ask ourselves what toll this is taking on us. We must ask this question now and ascertain the answer for ourselves, before it is too late...

Saturday, April 29, 2006

The Bangalore blogs : 2 : Missing Links Found

It's strange how two people can lead oddly parallel lives, geographically apart, one perhaps a little ahead of the other or at times behind it, but still largely corresponding in terms of some key events, feelings and experiences.

Last night was all about attaining some closure that I had desired for a long time. It was about conquering once more, the gaps in relatedness that Time had struggled to place between my dearest friend and myself. The last few days demonstrated that our friendship transcends space and time. Nevertheless, on occasion, there were little reminders that we had missed out on many things in each others' lives...important defining moments and happenings. It was time to bridge those gaps...

Coffee is really overrated in its heated form...give me a frappe or a milkshake any day! A well air conditioned cafe, comfortable leather seats, a chilled, frothy mango milkshake for me and a nice looking chocolate one for my friend were the ingredients to create the atmosphere in which we would attempt to sum up many of the sorrows and joys of the past along with hopes for the future.

A couple of hours later, I gave silent thanks to the Universe for conspiring to arrange the wonderful interaction that had left me entirely bereft of the sense of loss that I felt when I thought about how much of my friend's inner experiences I had been unaware of in the past and how often I was unable to be there for him when a good friend would have been an ideal comfort ( it's an irrational thought when you consider that for eight years we lived in different parts of the country, but thoughts are easily overrun by emotions; to be aware of the irrationality and to allow oneself the space to experience and accept and resolve it is the key).

We'd shared much of what had changed and shaped us in the years...some difficult and emotionally charged memories were relived. Friendship can be so therapeutic, you know...at least when one has unconditional acceptance and lack of judgement in it. When the waiter finally cleared away the tall glasses in which the residual froth had made its slow descent to the bottom of each glass, we had discovered a great deal about each other... These were the missing pieces that I had wanted to assimilate...the final picture was one of two lives parallelling each other as mentioned earlier. There were sorrows that moistened my eyes, there were tales of hope and love, and there was a discovery of hidden strengths and resources which makes me feel certain that somewhere, somehow our life paths are intertwined. Bangalore was destined for a confluence of these paths...and now I feel there is something guiding us towards a future for which the past has been a long and secret preparation...It makes me feel deeply grateful and blessed many times over.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

The Bangalore blogs : 1 : Laughing at Space and Time

What do Space and Time have to do with friendship? Next to nothing if you as me.

I'm presently in Bangalore, the technological capital of India, spending a short vacation in the company of some dear friends I made way back in boarding school. While I was on the flight, watching the fluffy heads of cloud families drift away under the plane, my mind occasionally recycled the same question for my deliberation. Time had put almost eight years between my friends and me and the geographical distance between us had grown ever wider since we parted ways back in 1999, when I changed schools. Space, therefore, had also played its role in distancing us. Certainly, the convenience of the Internet had allowed us to be in touch, but even this technological marvel is a pallid substitute for the level of intimacy and involvement that is characteristic of interaction in a boarding school, where friendship means a sharing of lives and experiences, the likes of which is seldom found in other places. So, I wondered, what would it be like to be with these friends after so long...I had been out of their lives for more than 7 years, I hadn't been there to share the joys, to be of comfort in the sorrows, to have gained an insight into the experiences that shaped their lives. They too had not been witness to much that had occurred in my life. Would it be uncomfortable? Would I miss all the jokes? What on earth would we speak about? ... ... ... These were some of the questions that played hide and seek with my excitement as the aircraft drew closer to the green city.

Over the last couple of days that I have spent here, each and every one of these questions have been summarily dismissed from my mind, irrevocably invalidated by the sheer affection and warmth that my friends have shown me. We’re catching up on our lives, that's for sure...sharing past experiences, future dreams etc., but what is outstanding, is the wonder of the present. In the present moment, we are just the same friends we were 8 years ago...it’s almost like we never really parted ways. If anything, we've grown fonder of each other. That is what real friendship is about...a force that has no meaning in terms of time and space. It is concrete and it is abstract, tangible and intangible. It is found in the camaraderie of shared meals, of long after dinner walks and idle banter and it is also found in the smile that passes between us every now and then, entire volumes being communicated in the smallest of gestures.

This is the new definition and form that friendship has assumed for me. Only I know how inadequate all of these words are in expressing what I feel in my heart...but if in these paragraphs you find something that makes a little sense, then I've probably been successful in sketching a small picture of what I mean. May you also know such happiness in case you haven't experienced it already. God bless!

Friday, April 14, 2006

Long Live Nature's Guardians

This evening, there was a lovely piece of information on a TV news channel. It showed a village in South India (I think it was Kerala), where each year, about this time, pelicans come in hundreds at to nest and breed. They select only this one small village, neglecting all others in the district and are to be seen literally on every tree, thatched roof and in every possible field. What is even more peculiar, they seem to know the seasons when drought will be occur and in those times very few of them visit the village. The wonderful thing about this is that the villagers simply adore the birds. They think of them as daughters who have come back to their parent's home in order to give birth to their children (as is the tradition in most parts of India). The birds receive VIP treatment and the best protection that the villagers can provide. Last year they even captured and beat a group of poachers who were trying to take advantage of the situaion. I am not a violent person, but I pray that God gives them the strength and resources to do this year after year. I don't take kindly to people who kill wild animals for sport or commerce.

That reminds me...The Bishnoi tribe of Rajasthan is a community for which I run short of praise. I have never heard of anyone else actually give up her life for trees the way a Bishnoi woman did and I am so proud of them for the way in which the have fought for the rights of the Black Buck allegedly slain Salman Khan. The fact that they were ready to kill him when they found out about what he had done, and the way in which they risked the displeasure of his millions of fans is a 5 star accomplishment in my books! I mean, we all talk about the work of the RSPCA and PETA, blah blah blah, but here we have a group of simple, unsophisticated villagers who want nothing more than to live their entire lives in service of nature and her other children. Their recent efforts against Bollywood itself speak volumes about their dedication. I bless them from the very depths of my soul...

I have nothing against Salman Khan as an individual. What I condemn is his action...the pursuit of a terrified, speechless, and endangered animal and the taking of its life for no apparent reason except the pleasure of the hunt. He appeared on TV saying that his lawyers told him that there has been no conviction under the Act protecting this animal till his convivtion in 2006. I say better late than never! I really don't think this is a matter of targetting celebrities and I don't even want to voice agreement or disagreement with the judge who says that celebrities have social responsibility and should lead by example. It is a matter of upholding the law, period. It was his bad luck that the law could not be persuaded to let him go scott free.

What I think must really rankle in the minds of all these film stars who have spoken out against being unfairly targetted, is that someone worth dozens of crores in terms of film revenue has been devalued, whereas the value of a dead animal has been broadcast nationally. Personally, I bow to the judge and the people who got this done. Let the fact that the "Bad Boy of Bollywood" spent 3 days in the most uncomfortable prison facility be a message to all poachers and may they all suffer similar and worse punishments if they take more animal lives.

This is probably one of the harshest things I've ever written, but I feel furious when it comes to killing wild animals. We invaded their territories, destroyed their homes, killed their young and continue to do so...what gives us the right? The fact that we are supposedly more "evolved"? What kind of evolution is this? Do we call the lack of compassion and the inability to feel another sentient being's pain evolution? I don't think so!

Long live the Bishnois and long live each and everyone who raises a voice and an arm to save nature! God bless them all...

Friday, April 07, 2006

Back to Boarding School...if only in thought!

One of my younger cousins, a splendid little fellow, has just gained admission to a very prestigious boarding school. He's remarkably excited about it, which is unsurprising if you consider the belief-defying number of sports he will be able to learn there! When I found out about it, however, excitement was only part of the emotions I felt, not all of which were entirely positive...if you read ahead, you'll find that this changed.

My thoughts and feelings arose from memories of three years of life in a boarding school. I was a student of the Assam Valley School from Classes 8 to 10. When I look back at those days, I find that the seven years that Time placed between me and that place, have not done much to blur the vividness of the recollections that dance before my mind's eye even as I type...

The anxiety of separation from my parents never really struck me until a few hours had elapsed following their dropping me off in the school. There I was...a soft, apprehensive fellow, mortified at the thought of having to bathe in a bathroom full of other chaps, all yelling and splashing, entirely unconcerned at the shock on the faces of the new students, all first-timers at a boarding school. The "communal bathing", as I refer to it, is still something I would rather have avoided...but nevertheless, I did learn to accept that my standards of hygiene (bordering dangerously on the finicky) would not necessarily be met by some people and that in turn did not imply anything about whether they were good or bad people (it just said a little about whether their bathing habits were good or bad!).

Then there was the question of the chaps just a year older to me and my classmates...the "seniors" (a few of them deserving the title only chronologically ), some of whom took an abundance of interest in lording it over the lesser mortals. Bullying was dealt with very severely in that school, so there was no question of ragging, whatsoever. However, power struggles did occasionally cause some friction, with the junior inevitably leaving the scene looking like a wet blanket. It would be most unfair, however, to generalise this to ALL seniors, because that was certainly not the case. In my first year in that school, my three room-mates were all a year senior, but were good, kind hearted and fun-loving people, who did a lot to make me feel comfortable and respected in the new environment.

I missed my family most desperately for the first three days, which were really the most taxing in terms of adjustment and within which I had formed lasting impressions of whom to befriend and whom to watch out for or altogether avoid! On the third day, in secret I released the tight control I had maintained over my tears and took comfort in a few moments of misery. Once I'd finished with that, I began to claim all possible power over my life and started a journey that left me deeply enriched for ever after.

There is nothing like boarding school to teach a person how to adapt to change and to other people. The boys and girls who studied with me were unlike any others that I had met before (in the sense, they were mostly Assamese and their accent and traditions were different) and still quite like regular children of that age (developmentally and emotionally). Slowly but steadily I allowed my boundaries to merge with their's and let down my defenses one cautious inch at a time. There was conflict, there was anger, humiliation and maladjustment in many phases, but there was also the satisfaction of forging friendships, of realising potentials that I had never before exploited. For example, I had never dreamed that I would be able to climb mountains in Arunachal Pradesh when on an expedition, or that I would act in leading roles in my Hostel's drama productions. I also made friends with whom I am priveleged to maintain affectionate relationships to this day and learnt innumerable valuable lessons from some amazing teachers, each of whom was distinguished in more fields than one.

In the Hostel, particularly, we shared our lives...our joys and sorrows. I witnessed a good many fights and sticky situations, but I also saw and learned how one takes responsibility for one's actions and establishes control over circumstances. It fostered an implicit respect for the school and what it was imparting to all its students. Moreover, the school with its green, wide open spaces was a remarkably beautiful place and one could not help but grow fond of it. I still remember how dramatic the night sky looked in the few moments of routine loadshedding that happened each day. I've never seen stars shine as brightly and in as much profusuion, as in those pollution-free skies. Literature often speaks of bejewelled heavens, leaving the rest to the imagination of the reader, but my school was where you could actually see them, night after night. Someday, I would like to go back for just that experience.

I'm sure my cousin will grow to love his school and will return home, every vacation, a more wholesome individual. At this point, I can actually feel the apprehension leave me, and I am certain that he too will find the trials and joys of boarding school to be an inalienable part of himself when someday, he looks back on the foundations of his character, as I did just a few moments ago...