Lessons Learnt from the 'Cousin Corps'

Some of life's many blessings have come in the forms of the children that have been born to my mother's sisters, a small army of adorable youngsters that I refer to as the 'Cousin Corps' (a term that is highly appropriate when we all meet in the same place!).

Being the eldest amongst them, I have the unique pleasure of standing on the threshold that separates the "grown-ups" of our family from the kids. At my discretion, I can don the caregiver's mantle - supervising meals, helping with homework, reading/reciting story after story etc. - or put on my "considerably-less-mature" hat and watch cartoons, go for movies like "Krrish" (which, despite my considerable respect for Hrithik Roshan, is not a movie I would recommend for anyone who does not need supervision when a movie is rated PG!), trade an infinite number of hugs, tickles and mindless jokes!

As time passes, I watch these boys and girls grow and observe how their thoughts and actions change. In the younger ones I get to see the blossoming of minds that absorb new information like and knowledge like sponges, the delicacy of emotional structures and the care with which it is necessary to nurture them; and the sheer purity of innocence and trust that only childhood can maintain. In the older ones I witness the bumpy phase in which the last vestiges of childhood meet the quirky beginnings of adolescence, the beginnings of the search for meaning and autonomy, the need to be understood and the trials of self-discovery/assertion. It's a vast picture and its colours are moving constantly, not always in a fashion that one might consider ideal, but somehow the overall effect is quite pleasing.

One of the things I've noticed is the changing importance of touch in their lives. As babies and toddlers they couldn't get enough of it...they were ready to give hugs and be cuddled at any given time (one of the BEST feelings you could ever have, in my opinion, is to hold a child and let him/her fall asleep in your arms...the sheer amount love and faith that a sleeping infant places in you is an incomparable experience). As children they still like to be cuddled, but only for a moment or two at most, or when they're sleepy and want someone telling them a nice bedtime story. The adolescents are a lot more tricky to handle...sometimes just ruffling someones hair (in innocent affection) can earn you a dirty look (because you may have upset the "do"!...lord forbid!) and a hug may only be reciprocated in an obviously half hearted way...basically it's all about timing in these cases! As they grow still older, touch becomes far more complex as an issue, once they become aware of and explore the issues tied to sexuality. An older relative saying something like "Oh for heaven's sake! I'm your (insert appropriate relation)! I've given you baths when you were a child!", is just considered foolish (if not worse!).

What accounts for this gradual change? Is it something that is purely developmental and a natural consequence of life's progression? 'Assuredly not!', comes my answer. Developmental changes are a part of the issue, but not its entirety. The way we bring up our children and the kind of environment in which we bring them up are equally important parts of the picture. The modern adolescent has to contend with an information overload on sex and sexuality usually from sources far removed from their parents (many of whom are embarrassed or reluctant to explain this matter, largely due to ignorance of how it may be explained in a crisp and healthy way). Forget adolescents...if you pay close attention to the kind of audiences in movie theatres, you will find even children exposed to scenes which would definitely not be recommended for them by any mental health professional (in Mumbai theatres I've seen parents taking babies to night-shows...what the poor things must make of the loud sounds and flashing lights, I can't even begin to imagine!).

So, when I look at the happy faces of the various members of the Corps as they crowd around a table just loaded with some nice refreshments, I cannot help but be thankful...thankful that they've grown up in an environment where care has been taken to keep them sheltered and still answer their most exploratory questions in a non-condescending and informative way. For them, rules have been explained rather than imposed, so instances of overstepping boundaries are few and far-between. Most importantly, nobody has been deprived of the days of innocence that are every child's birthright...