The Bangalore blogs : 4 : Can There Ever be Too Much of a Good Thing?

I was tempted to think on this topic when I was musing (no, change that to FUMING) on the temperature of Bangalore city. The place is simply intolerable right now. I was always told that the city was known for its pleasant, warm weather and cool evenings. However, I would dearly like to smack those informants rather smartly on the wrist and then subjugate them to the blistering conditions that exist here! Warmth is a good thing, but when it changes to a condition which, within a matter of a few outdoor hours, will certainly qualify you for being the ideal candidate for the before picture of a new sunblock cream, it's a bit much really!

Having raved and ranted about the heat (which always makes me feel a littler better!), however, I'd like to speak about love, in the context of the title of this blog...(if you think that was abrupt, my apologies...but that's how I function sometimes!).

The way I see it, love can assume many forms...it can be conditional or unconditional, platonic or romantic, momentary or relatively permanent. Love is essential for people to develop physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. When love is denied to a being, its development and its ways of expressing or seeking love are distorted.

Can there ever be such a phenomenon as 'too much love'? To my mind, the answer is that when unconditional, love can never be excessive, because excess implies negativity and unconditional love is beyond the human assessments of positive and negative. When love is conditional, however, the picture changes completely.

Conditional love is love based on how a the loved one is able to meet the needs of the one giving love (A question that comes to mind at this point is whether conditional love is even fit to be called "love", but I will desist from going further in this direction because no alternative presents itself readily to my musings). When it is so, such emotion is automatically tied to dependence and possessiveness, both of which can easily be in excess and can therefore be potentially harmful.

My observations of people who profess to be in a loving relationship, romantic or otherwise, lead me to believe that excessive conditionality in love is easily apparent when the people in that relationship are able to influence each other's core happiness by means of overt as well as covert communications. What I mean by core happiness, is an inner reserve or power, potent, efficacy and peace that each individual has within himself/herself. This is a power that remains within us regardless of what happens outside. It is a formidable force that may be channelled for infinite purposes, but can be suppressed and concealed by the fallibilities and weaknesses of human patterns of dependence on others.

The way I see it, if something a partner does or does not do is almost always a defining feature in eliciting the other partner's joys or tears, there is something dysfunctional in that relationship. We are definitely affected by each other's thoughts and actions, but are we ready for another's thoughts and actions to control the innermost sense of stability and peace that we have? Have we allowed our partners (knowingly or unknowingly) to gain control over this most sacred and vital aspect of ourselves? If the answer to these questions are yes, then we might be well advised to consider whether it is love or emotional dependence that we feel. We are at once defined by our relationships and also much more than those definitions. Understanding this is the key to being secure within ourselves and being able to love unconditionally.

The answer to my self imposed question, when applied to love appears to be so: No, there is no such thing as too much love, if it is true, unconditional love that we feel and experience. Love of practically all other kinds, is potentially in danger of being excessive and we have to work actively to keep ourselves from declining into such a condition.