The Universe has a tendency to send people into your life in rather uncanny ways. Usually these occasions take the form of pleasant surprises that you only become aware of when you're already accustomed to the welcome presence of the 'other'. Of course there are some instances when this is not the case...you would much rather have spent the rest of your life in blissful ignorance of the other's existence! I, however, am interested in narrating an instance of the former case.
Motorbikes are probably the last things that you would associate with me, if you had even a passing knowledge of my views and interests. I would be aghast if my close friends could so much as picture me sitting on the pillion seat, leave alone steering the bike. It's true..I haven't got a clue about the workings of those two-wheelers, I've never shared anyone's fascination for them and I've never so much as gripped the handles of anything apart from a bicycle!
So the interesting thing here, is that a few nights ago, I narrowed my eyes and prayed that my hair would not fly off my scalp, as I sped delightedly down some roads in my hometown, Mumbai. I passed through the narrow spaces between monstrous trucks and street dividers and effortlessly overtook large cars, even as the world sped past me, as swift as the wind in my face...I was on a motorbike, loving every second of it! :)
Don't get me wrong...I was not steering the bike and I probably am never going to! I was seated on the pillion seat holding on to the owner of the bike and wondering what it might feel like to actually be in control of something capable of so much speed! I've often seen the exhilarated faces of children when someone gives them even a short ride on a motor-bike. That day, I finally got to understand what puts the smile on their faces! :)
So, how did this anomaly come to pass? That's where all this banter about the Universe comes in! :)
I have a tendency to give people 'tags' when I don't know their names. Nobody every hears me refer to those people by the tags...they are strictly for personal reference and maintaining context, until I get introduced to them or remember their names. And I only do this for people I see regularly...say in a class that I attend, or in my workplace. To illustrate, some of the current tags I have for people I see in my kickboxing class, are "The-girl-who-is-NEVER-on-time", "He's-going-to-put-his-fist-through-the-punching-bag-soon!" and "Pretty-face-but-looks-so-glum-all-the-time". Not exactly the most elegant thing to do, I agree, but it happens spontaneously! I suspect we all do something like this, in our own ways an in our own contexts (I'd love to know what you do, if you'd like to tell me!).
When I started working, I found myself in a huge office filled with people I did not know...so it was but natural for me to be tagging furiously! One of the first people I tagged was a man I called "Street Hawk-meets-Lone Ranger". I would see him walk into the office with his windcheater on and helmet in his hand. I didn't often see him talking to many people...seemed the quiet type. He always exuded the self-assured air of someone who is obviously confident of himself and is good at what he does. All this, in addition to an enigmatic aura, accentuated by a very sharp and attentive gaze - the kind that takes in everything in just a sweep. Quite an interesting character overall! :) I discovered his name a few months later and discarded the tag accordingly...
Over the last couple of weeks, I've had the occasion to share my lunch-table with him pretty often and discovered that he is a delightful conversationalist with a remarkably wry sense of humour...oddly British and still somehow very Indian. Lunch time is usually punctuated with some excellent, dry remarks on whatever the subject of the conversation is, be it politics, information technology, alternative healing or what you will...and those of you who know me well, will know how much I appreciate dry wit and clever quips! :)
Apart from adding the flavour of good conversation to a meal that is otherwise lacking in flavours that appeal to one's gustation, I must also thank him for providing me with the motorbike experience mentioned above.
He found me leaving the office building one evening and offered me a ride back home...and something in me (I'm guessing the "curious-child-complex") just me just said "Yes!". More than once I pictured the disapproving face of an elder relative, who is particularly in disfavour of two-wheelers, but somehow I just could not turn down the offer...and a few minutes later, I was on a motorbike, after goodness knows how many years!
So, you see, you never know when the Universe sends you a very pleasant surprise in the most unexpected and exceedingly coincidental way...but it's always nice to pay attention to it's little ways. :)
Till my next post!
Vrooom!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
The Facets of Change
There are times in life, when we want to take a decisive step, that means letting go of something or someone we are are very used to. At such times we struggle very much to achieve this transformation. In short, there is something in us that resists "change", which is what I want to write about today.
I cannot count the number of times I've heard something like "Change is the only constant", "Only change is permanent" etc. Yes, yes, I agree, but I think the reason behind the existence of these very highly redundant phrases should be discussed a little more!
Change is not always easy...it implies alteration, creation, destruction, adjustment...effort. Change is not always positive, change is not always painless. But it happens all the time, at micro and macro levels. There are microorganisms who are born, exist reproduce and die before we so much as finish drawing a deep breath. There are philosophers who believe that the very Universe is created, destroyed and recreated second upon second.
Yes, change is a constant, inalienable and in fact necessary for survival. Yet, it is not always easy to deal with change, especially when it means the alteration of well established thoughts, behaviours or relationships. Change of this kind is an emotional event that the individual has to process and work through, sometimes incurring considerable pain in the process. The difficulties are especially acute if one did not want the change in the first place and was forced to face it because of relatively external circumstances.
Today, I want to talk about possible ways in which we can look at the phenomenon on change in our lives and maybe leave this post with some thoughts on how we can facilitate positive change in our lives. An interesting, though cliched way of doing this, might be considering each letter in the word "Change" as representing of a facet of the whole process. Oh well...I think I'll just risk it...here goes!
C = Conviction (and Commitment)
Successful change requires conviction...the belief that we have taken the right step and that that we are going to achieve something fruitful by taking this step. It also implies the courage to stand by our decision and take responsibility for our actions. Our minds may falter several times even as we tread the path of change, but it is our conviction that keeps us steady and takes us closer to our goal.
When I write about conviction, I do not mean blind belief...I mean faith born out of experience, and thought that is both rational and intuitive. True conviction is born of mature thought, instinct and considerable exploration of one's emotions. I think emotions are by far the most important aspect of this situation...going through our emotions, letting them swirl within us, observing their movements, their causes and the thoughts that they lead to give us control over them and we are better able to make an informed choice.
Conviction is not enough unless we have commitment to support it. Belief is one thing...acting on it is another. Both must go hand in hand. We also have to prepare ourselves to be tested for both our conviction as well as commitment several times along the path to positive change.
H = Honesty
I don't think we can ever achieve successful change unless we are truly honest with ourselves and with others around us. What we will change, what the change will do for us and what we are prepared to accomplish or give up in the process are questions that we must answer for ourselves as well as for any others to whom we feel answerable...and these answers must be entirely truthful. Honesty gives us clarity...sometimes the clarity comes with painful revelations, but it is better to ride that pain and get it over with, rather than live with the dull ache of suppositions for the rest of one's life.
A = Acceptance
Change may sometimes lead to the loss of things that existed in our lives for a very long time. It may mean letting go of very old beliefs, ideas, habits...even people etc. We have to accept these conditions and consequences, if no other alternative presents itself. Acceptance is probably the most difficult facet of change because it is an internal phenomenon tested constantly by self-doubt and memories of what we gave up. Often it requires facing oneself very pointedly and noting some regrettable aspects of the past...it is quite difficult to acknowledge some of the things that happened to us, or some of the things that we did. Yet, acceptance is liberating and makes change more meaningful...it provides an unshakable platform on which we face the past, the present and the future and consolidate all three.
N = Norms
It is very important to define the 'limits' of change...while changes may be essential for some aspects of our lives, they might not be healthy if introduced in other areas. We have to be careful not to generalize change without deliberation. For instance, developing assertiveness skills might be a great idea for dealing with bullies in the workplace, but one must be careful not to let assertiveness creep into interactions with even relatively benign people. It is simply not required in some situations and using it inappropriately can ruin interpersonal relationships. Change can sometimes be a very heady feeling...so much so, that it's difficult to stop trying to implement it everywhere.
G = Gravity
We have to take change seriously, especially when it's impact is likely to be wide-ranging. It might be alright to make light of it once in a while, just to ease the mental burden of implementing it. However, in the long run, we have to respect ourselves for shouldering the responsibility of transforming our lives and we have to ensure that our conduct reflects the same. There may be others who fail to understand the courage required to alter one's life, no matter how small the alteration. To such people, our efforts lack meaning and it is difficult to persuade them otherwise. It is also difficult not to question one's actions when such people fail to appreciate one's efforts. The strength to counter the questions and flippant remarks of external entities, comes from regarding change as a powerful event in our lives and giving ourselves due respect for conducting it.
E = Enthusiasm
Zest is a crucial ingredient in facilitating positive change. Transformation requires great energy and and willingness. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual resources are all required for it. The willingness to utilize these resources comes from being aware of how we are going to benefit from the change. Looking forward to the results with positive expectations and having the confidence to realise those expectations leads to enthusiasm.
************************
So those were my humble thoughts on what it takes to truly affect change in our lives...do let me know if ever they remind you of something you changed, or help you step a little closer to transforming something in your life.
God Bless! :)
I cannot count the number of times I've heard something like "Change is the only constant", "Only change is permanent" etc. Yes, yes, I agree, but I think the reason behind the existence of these very highly redundant phrases should be discussed a little more!
Change is not always easy...it implies alteration, creation, destruction, adjustment...effort. Change is not always positive, change is not always painless. But it happens all the time, at micro and macro levels. There are microorganisms who are born, exist reproduce and die before we so much as finish drawing a deep breath. There are philosophers who believe that the very Universe is created, destroyed and recreated second upon second.
Yes, change is a constant, inalienable and in fact necessary for survival. Yet, it is not always easy to deal with change, especially when it means the alteration of well established thoughts, behaviours or relationships. Change of this kind is an emotional event that the individual has to process and work through, sometimes incurring considerable pain in the process. The difficulties are especially acute if one did not want the change in the first place and was forced to face it because of relatively external circumstances.
Today, I want to talk about possible ways in which we can look at the phenomenon on change in our lives and maybe leave this post with some thoughts on how we can facilitate positive change in our lives. An interesting, though cliched way of doing this, might be considering each letter in the word "Change" as representing of a facet of the whole process. Oh well...I think I'll just risk it...here goes!
C = Conviction (and Commitment)
Successful change requires conviction...the belief that we have taken the right step and that that we are going to achieve something fruitful by taking this step. It also implies the courage to stand by our decision and take responsibility for our actions. Our minds may falter several times even as we tread the path of change, but it is our conviction that keeps us steady and takes us closer to our goal.
When I write about conviction, I do not mean blind belief...I mean faith born out of experience, and thought that is both rational and intuitive. True conviction is born of mature thought, instinct and considerable exploration of one's emotions. I think emotions are by far the most important aspect of this situation...going through our emotions, letting them swirl within us, observing their movements, their causes and the thoughts that they lead to give us control over them and we are better able to make an informed choice.
Conviction is not enough unless we have commitment to support it. Belief is one thing...acting on it is another. Both must go hand in hand. We also have to prepare ourselves to be tested for both our conviction as well as commitment several times along the path to positive change.
H = Honesty
I don't think we can ever achieve successful change unless we are truly honest with ourselves and with others around us. What we will change, what the change will do for us and what we are prepared to accomplish or give up in the process are questions that we must answer for ourselves as well as for any others to whom we feel answerable...and these answers must be entirely truthful. Honesty gives us clarity...sometimes the clarity comes with painful revelations, but it is better to ride that pain and get it over with, rather than live with the dull ache of suppositions for the rest of one's life.
A = Acceptance
Change may sometimes lead to the loss of things that existed in our lives for a very long time. It may mean letting go of very old beliefs, ideas, habits...even people etc. We have to accept these conditions and consequences, if no other alternative presents itself. Acceptance is probably the most difficult facet of change because it is an internal phenomenon tested constantly by self-doubt and memories of what we gave up. Often it requires facing oneself very pointedly and noting some regrettable aspects of the past...it is quite difficult to acknowledge some of the things that happened to us, or some of the things that we did. Yet, acceptance is liberating and makes change more meaningful...it provides an unshakable platform on which we face the past, the present and the future and consolidate all three.
N = Norms
It is very important to define the 'limits' of change...while changes may be essential for some aspects of our lives, they might not be healthy if introduced in other areas. We have to be careful not to generalize change without deliberation. For instance, developing assertiveness skills might be a great idea for dealing with bullies in the workplace, but one must be careful not to let assertiveness creep into interactions with even relatively benign people. It is simply not required in some situations and using it inappropriately can ruin interpersonal relationships. Change can sometimes be a very heady feeling...so much so, that it's difficult to stop trying to implement it everywhere.
G = Gravity
We have to take change seriously, especially when it's impact is likely to be wide-ranging. It might be alright to make light of it once in a while, just to ease the mental burden of implementing it. However, in the long run, we have to respect ourselves for shouldering the responsibility of transforming our lives and we have to ensure that our conduct reflects the same. There may be others who fail to understand the courage required to alter one's life, no matter how small the alteration. To such people, our efforts lack meaning and it is difficult to persuade them otherwise. It is also difficult not to question one's actions when such people fail to appreciate one's efforts. The strength to counter the questions and flippant remarks of external entities, comes from regarding change as a powerful event in our lives and giving ourselves due respect for conducting it.
E = Enthusiasm
Zest is a crucial ingredient in facilitating positive change. Transformation requires great energy and and willingness. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual resources are all required for it. The willingness to utilize these resources comes from being aware of how we are going to benefit from the change. Looking forward to the results with positive expectations and having the confidence to realise those expectations leads to enthusiasm.
************************
So those were my humble thoughts on what it takes to truly affect change in our lives...do let me know if ever they remind you of something you changed, or help you step a little closer to transforming something in your life.
God Bless! :)
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